Wizard's Live Messenger
by charah.tastic
Summary: What if the results of JK's brain vomit were as MSN absorbed as we are? Ever wondered what they're like online? Read -and review!- to find out!
1. And you are?

This fanfic is called: Wizards' Live Messenger!

Plot: Everyone just so happens to meet up in a chat room. And not to mention that they also have laptops. And this is like...past present mixed together! Enjoy! Bon Appétit!

Characters: Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Young Lily Potter, Young James Potter, Young Sirius Black, Young Remus Lupin, Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Serra Potter.

she's Harry's sister. She's going to marry Sirius, and then he dies, and he left a deathwish, that Serra marries George Weasley. So she does. And she has had 1 kid with Sirius who they non-hesitantly call Prongs Black. But if you like the plot, then I'll write another fic about it. in the meantime, lets read this one: 

Disclaimer: If I was JK Rowling, I would not be writing fanfic. I would be writing the real thing. And I would not stop.

One day, Fred Weasley is surfing the web, when he comes across a chat room that looked appealing to his taste. He decided to join.

-Fred Weasley has signed in as Gred.

Gred says: Helloooo?

Herra: Heyy Mate 2!

Gred: Sup Matette??

Herra: just finished dinner with u guys. not alot has happened in thos nine minutes. urself?

Herra: and dont try asking me for a puking pastille. i tried it once, remeber? it tasted like...

Gred: puke?

Herra: no. more like..

Gred: eyes? blood? fecies? shoes? Sirius's cooking? Moody?

Herra: Fred, wth do you come UP with these things? i mean, i was GONNA say tonks's hair...

-George Weasley has signed in as Feorge.

Gred: hi bro.

Herra: hello Mate 1!

Feorge: hey Matette. wat r u guys talking about?

Herra: Essence of Mad Eye.

Gred: Care to join in? we were actually thinking. what flavour are puking pastilles?

Feorge: you mean you were ACTUALLY thinking?!?!?!

-Draco Malgoy has signed in as Draconator.

Herra: well looky here! its Draco!

Gred: finally deiced to look away from the mirror once, Malfoy?

Feorge: no, he probably has one in his hand as we speak.

Herra: i bet his whole room is composed of mirrors.

Draconator: oh, shut up. you're just jealous that you're hair isnt silky smooth.

Gred: oh, we beg to differ! have you even FELT Serra's hair? or her dog's?

Feorge: DON'T THINK SO!

Herra:...you guys've felt my hair? I dont even feel my own hair!

-Lily Evans has signed in as LilyLaLoca

Draconator: of COURSE i dont feel Serra Potter's hair! i mean its...RED! who has red hair? HONESTLY!

LilyLaLoca: um...me. i have red hair. and btw: i always loved the name Serra...and i vowed to name my first girl Serra...

Gred: HAHAHAHAH! YOU GOT BURNED BY SOMEONE DEAD! Hello Madam Potter, good to see you;re on teh internet.

Feorge: TOUCHE! Good evening, Mrs Potter. How are you on this fine, lovely, alive evening?

Herra: thanks:D! and YAY! Red haired pride!!!!

Draconator: yeah...umm...brb..

-Draconator has set his status as away.

-James Potter has signed in as Prongs

LilyLaLoca: wait...im confused...whya re you calling me Madam Potter and Mrs Potter?

Prongs: gah! what's wrong with that?

LilyLaLoca: hmm...lets see. YOU!

Gred: OUCH!

Feorge: OH!

Gred: BURN!

-Sirius Black has signed in as Padfoot

Feroge: DISS!

Padfoot: COLD!

Gred: DRY!

LilyLaLoca: WILL YOU SHUT UP?!?!?!

Herra: giggles

Padfoot: Sorry, Lils.

Gred: yeah, i sincerely apologize, Mrs Potter.

Feorge: forgive me, Madam Potter.

Herra: umm..i think u guys r freaking out my mom...

Prongs: what do you mean, your mom?

Padfoot: LILY! YOU HAVE A KID? NAMED HERRA?!?!

Herra: Sirius, please. My name is Serra. me and Harry switched the first letters of our names...

-Harry Potter has signed in as Sarry

Herra:...speak of the devil...hey Harry.

Sarry: Hi Serra

Gred: HARRY! BABY!

Feorge: HOW'VE YOU BEEN?!

Gred: WE HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN AGES DARLING!

Feorge: OH, HOW RAVISHING THE LAST DINNER WE HAD TOGETHER WAS!

Sarry: umm..u guys? we just had dinner 15 mins ago. in fact, we r stting in the same room. at grimmauld place...where my godfather lives...u know sirius...

Herra: Just ignore themm...

Padfoot: What do you MEAN...you know sirius? and im no godfather! heck, i cant wait to meet the idiot who names me godfather of their child..

LilyLaLoca: probably Potter.

Herra/Sarry/Prongs: which one?

LilyLaLoca: oh this is ridiculous. who are you, Herra and Sarry?

Gred: you mean Serra and Harry

Feorge: no, she means Herra and Sarry.

Gred: Yes

Feorge: no

Sarry: dont even START!

Gred/Feorge: sorry, mate.

Prongs: LOOK! whoever you are, cut the crap! what r ur real names?

-Remus Lupin has signed in as Moony

Herra: my name is Serra Potter.

Sarry: my name is Harry Potter.

Moony: my name is Remus Lupin. James, you have kids?

Prongs: NO!

LilyLaLoca: no, Potter didnt. but there r 2 ppl in here that insist they are potter kids.

Gred: They are!

Feorge: we solmenly swear that HArry and Serra are authentic Potters.

Moony: i have an idea. Serra, can you tell me what year it is?

Herra: 1998, duh.

Padfoot: NO ITS NOT! LIESS! its probably Snivellus playing a trick on us.

Serra: you mean Professor Snape? no, i guarantee we r not snape.

LilyLaLoca: you mean Sev became a Professor?

Prongs: WOW! WHAT KIND OF IDIOT WILL HIRE HIM?!?!

Moony: let's focus on one this, here. It's 1980 over here. how is this possible?

Gred: umm..we MAY have somethin to do with that

Feorge: yeah...umm..we kinda stole Hermione's time turner and..umm...placed some laptops in the past...

Sarry: A HA! I KNEW IT WAS YOU! but if we're talking to the past..then THATS why you guys dont know who we r

Gred/Feorge: yeah...umm..we're out. and we'll block Malfoy while we're at it. Marauder/Potter conversation. ciao.

-Gred is now offline.

-Feorge is now offline

-Draconator is now blocked from this conversation. To unblock, click the green icon at the top of this conversation.

LilyLaLoca: okay, so let me get this straight. no wait. Remus, you do it.

Moony: okay. Lily married James, and they had two children named Harry Potter and Serra Potter, and Sirius was named Godfather. And apparently, Lily and James will die, I'm guessng at the hands of Voldemort, and they children move in with Sirius at grimmauld place with a bunch of other kids.

Prongs: WHEE! I GET TEH WOMAN! I GET THE WOMAN!

Padfoot: BABYMAKERS! BABYMAKERS! AND I GET TO BE GODFATHER!

LilyLaLoca: SCREAMS IN UTTER REVOLTEDNESS at least i get to die before it all sinks in!

Herra: umm..yeah. about that. Moony is my godfather, and Paddles is Harry's. and we live in grimmauld place after Sirius escapes azkaban and has to live undercover, but nobody ever finds him. he's in azkaban because he was accused of murdering Peter Pttigrew, but he really didnt. the low rat ran to Voldemort himself

Sarry: and gave away your hiding place, and becamse a death eater. then voldemort found you and dad and killed you but he wast able to kill me and Serra. instead, we r scarred for life. the end.

Padfoot: whoa man. azkaban... my life is crap...

Herra: umm..about that, Paddles..umm..yeah...we kida get...married...

Prongs: so...my daughter marries my best friend?

LilyLaLoca: meh, cant complain. but peter? he betrays us?

Sarry: yeah. and that obese little coward tried to kill all of us.

Padfoot: so let me get this straight: i get married?

Herra: yeah! to me!

Moony: whoa... thats some life...WHO DO I MARRY?

Sarry: you're not married yet, but you're in love with Nymphadora Tonks, a metamorphagus, the daughter of Sirius's cousin, Andromeda Black. she's really nice actually.

Herra: and she doesnt even care that you're a werewolf! arent you fortunate? and she's also big on chocolate like a CERTAIN wizard i know...wink wink

Padfoot: wait, wait. So me, Sirius Black, marries the youngest daughter of James and Lily Potter?

LilyLaLoca: One false move, buddy. just ONE.

Prongs: I swear, I feel so sorry for my poor kid. marrying Padfoot! the annoying little insect! do u have kids?

Sarry: spits out pumkin juice HELL NO! NOT YET!

Herra: and HARRY'S DATING GINNY WEASLEY!!

Moony: you mean the child of Arthur and Molly Weasley?

Prongs: you mean those poor people who just got publicised for building that run down old shack? what's it called?

LilyLaLoca: The Burrow? oh..umm...well...

Padfoot: HARRY DATES A HOBO?!?!?!

Herra: I marry man on the run from the law. things even out.

Sarry: and they're not hobos. they actually are nice people

Herra: and they are our best friends. them and a muggleborn. a brilliant one too.

LilyLaLoca: so you;re best friends are a bunch of blood traitors, a convicted felon, a werewolf, a muggleborn, and a metamorphagus?

Moony: wowwwww...looooosers

Padfoot: i hopr you realize that you're the werewolf..

Prongs: and youre the convicted felon.

Herra: and you're dead.

Sarry: basically, yeah.

LilyLaLoca: LAUGHS UNTIL WHEEZES

Padfoot: ...yeahh...so what do you look like, anyways?

Moony: good question.

Herra: I'm a carbon copy of mum, but i have dad's eyes. I have mum's intelligence and dad's nerve.

LilyLaLoca: awwww! how CUTE! a mini me! (L)

Sarry: yeah, but i look EXACTLY like dad, but i have mums eyes. and dad'd wit.

Herra: yeah, Harry's an idiot.

Sarry: HEY!

Herra: sniggers

Sarry: anyways, we both wear glasses. out eyesight SUCKS.

Herra: yeah, like REALLY sucks. Sirius once knocked over my glasses, and i ended up hugging Ron Weasley. i should have seen him, though. i mean, Sirius had long black hair, and Ron has long orange hair.

Sarry: and the time Voldemort hit me so hard my glasses broke. man that was hell. i ended up hexing Hermione. She's the muggleborn. she was never the same since...she's got a scar right under her left cheekbone.

Padfoot: HA! AHAHAHAHAH! you see?!?! I KEEP MY LONG MANE OF SILKY, GORGEOUS HAIR!

Moony: oh, grow up.

LilyLaLoca: vain

Prongs: you're so arrogant, i swear.

Sarry: I he sounds like Malfoy, doesnt he, Serra?

Herra: yeah! lol! total Draco right there:P

Padfoot: FINE! im leaving! see you in the future,

-Padfoot is now offline.

LilyLaLoca: yeah, it's late here. nice to met you, kids. i hope ill see you in the future.

Herra: bye mum. love of love.

Sarry: bye!

Prongs: LOTS OF LOVE, EVANS!

Moony: shut up prongs. anyways, see you in a few years.

-Moony is now offline.

-LilyLaLoca is now offline.

Prongs: WHEE! 2 LITTLE ME'S! GO ME! GO ME!

Herra: IM A LITTLE LILY:P

Sarry: IM THE LITTLE JAMES:D

Herra: anyways, Paddles is calling me. bye dad!

Prongs: bye Serra! hugs and kisses. and say hi to Suirius for me.

Herra: see, i WOULD if i didnt want to freak him out. hehe...bye!

-Herra is now offline.

Sarry: I'm going to go annoy the hell out of Professor Lupin. Bye!

Prongs: bye kid.

-Sarry is now offline.

Prongs: so is there anyone else here?

ghost at random: me.

Prongs: screams like a school girl

-Prongs is now offline.

ghost at random: they always do that...

A/N: so how do you like my little chat room? and do you think that i should make a new Serra Black Series?

(8)Leave me a review, and I'll get back to you!(8)

xXxo0oxXx

o.ORaVeNcLaW.bUbBlEsO.o


	2. Voldemort the idiot

A/N: Hi everybody! pause for applause ……ouch hehe! Well, the second chapter is up, stop for unorthodox applause….pshhh now they clap! giggles anyways, enjoy the second of my lovely little chat rooms.

Characters in this one: Harry potter, Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, Voldemort, Bellatrix Lestrange, Neville Longbottom and Sirius Black.

Disclaimer: had I owned Harry Potter, then it would have been this romantic story where Voldemort dies because the world is full of love. Too much love for him to handle.

Once upon a day in number 12, Grimmauld Place, our beloved Harry Potter was in a chat room, arguing with none other thank our equally beloved woss, Draco Malfoy.

**dAsEeKeR**: Malfoy, a Firebolt® is wayyyy faster than a Nimbus 2001®.

**dAhOtTeRsEeKeR:** no it isn't, Potter!

**dAsEeKeR**: yes it is! Are you freaking kidding me?!?! Mine is better.

-_Tom Marvolo Riddle has signe__d in as _

**dAhOtTeRsEeKeR**: Potter, everyone knows that mine is longer. And the longer it is, the better performance it delivers.

**dAsEeKeR: **yeah, its longer. But mine has two handles to hold onto when it starts to get bumpy or uncomfortable.

**AvadayourKedavra**: what in the name of……Voldemort are you talking about?!?! That's disgusting!

**dAhOtTeRsEeKeR: **what do you think we're talking about?

**dAsEeKeRI:** bet that you don't even have one.

**AvadayourKedavra: **gah! OF COURSE I have one! What kind of a stupid question is that?

**dAhOtTeRsEeKeR: **oh yeah? Well what's it called?

**AvadayourKedavra: **you have NAMES for them, now?!? Boys these days are getting even more perverted.

**dAsEeKeR:** …they always used to have names….and what does perverted have to do with it?

**dAhOtTeRsEeKeR: **yeah..Honestly! Mine's a Nimbus 2001®. Potter's is a Firebolt®.

**AvadayourKedavra:** ..Oh. You boys are talking about…Broomsticks? In that case, no. I do not have one, nor do I need one. I can fly.

-_Luna Lovegood had signed in as _

**dAsEeKeR: **hi Luna. What's up?

**Lo0onathemo0ona: **hello Harry. Not a lot, just reading the Quibbler. Did you know that Wrackspurt rates are increasing?

**dAhOtTeRsEeKeR** sneers are you kidding me, Loony Lovegood? There is no such thing as a Wrackspurt.

**AvadayourKedavra: **wait… Lovegood…I know that name… AHA! Is your father Xenophilius Lovegood?

**Lo0onathemo0ona: **yes. He's the editor-in-chief of the Quibbler.

**dAsEeKeR:** hey….wait…. how do you know, Voldemort? All right. Whose death are you planning?

**dAhOtTeRsEeKeR:** oh, he was planning to capture Loony so that he could convince Xenophilius to lure Harry into his trap.

**Lo0onythemo0ony: **wow! I'm getting captured by He Who Must Not Be Named? How important! Will you let me live? And can I please have a cell away from any moss? I want to keep the Nimphores away. And I will require the Quibbler.

**AvadayourKedavra: **Oh. My. Grindelwald. Fine, I'll compensate: no moss and ill let you have the Quibbler. But I'll have to think about the letting you live, though. Are you annoying?

**dAsEeKeR: **no. She's just freakishly weird.

**-**_Sirius Black has signed in as _

**Lo0onythemo0ony: **hello Sirius Black.

**Konvict: **do I know you?

**dAhOtTeRsEeKeR: **yeah. Everyone knows Loony Lovegood. Her dad owns the Quibbler. snigger

**Konvict: **are you serious? Honestly… your dad's the one who thinks that I'm a rock star! laughs like an idiot and is told to shut up by Moony

**AvadayourKedavra: **REALLY?!?! What an IDIOT! Sirius Black, a rock star? Damn girl. You're dad is dumb.

**dAsEeKeR: **yeah….um Voldemort? You're one to talk. I just figured out what u thought me and Malfoy were talking about. Freaking sicko.

**dAhOtTeRsEeKeR: **what? What did he think we were talking about? Potter! What?

**Konvict: **LMAO! WOW! THANKS HARRY! MAN, Voldemort is an IDIOT!

**Lo0onythemo0ony: **giggles wow, that is funny!

**AvadayourKedavra: **oh, shut up. Anybody would have thought that. Send the conversation to ONE MORE PERSON, POTTER.

-_Hermione Granger has signed in as _

**Lo0onythemo0ony: **hi Hermione. How are you?

**LibraryQueen77: **hi Luna. I'm fine, you?

**Konvict: **what's up Hermione?

**dAsEeKeR:** hey 'Mione. You want to see something funny?

**AvadayourKedavra: **I'm warning you, Potter….

**LibraryQueen77: **is that Voldemort? Anyways, yeah sure Harry.

**dAhOtTeRsEeKeR: **I still don't get it!

**Lo0onythemo0ony: **dumb blonde.

**dAhOtTeRsEeKeR: **yeah, well you're blonde too.

**Lo0onythemo0ony: **yeah, but I'm in Ravenclaw.

**dAhOtTeRsEeKeR:** touché.

**LibraryQueen77: **LOL! That's so0o0o0o stupid! Voldemort, you're an IDIOT!

**AvadayourKedavra: **shut up, Mudblood.

**dAsEeKeR: **stupid Dark Lord. Oh, this is THICK.

-_Neville Longbottom has signed in as _

**LibraryQueen77: **hi Neville. You want to see something stupid and funny?

**HerbKing: **sure, 'Mione.

**Lo0onythemo0oy:** hello Neville.

**HerbKing: **Luna! How are you?

**dAsEeKeR:** 'sup Neville?

**dAhOtTeRsEeKeR: **Loony, are you going out with Longbottom? What's with all the happy faces?

**Konvict: **it's an outcast thing. Like Voldemort, for example.

**HerbKing: **HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! VOLDEMORT, YOU'RE SO DUMB! WOW!

**AvadayourKedavra: **POTTER! STOP SENDING THAT WRETCHED CONVERSATION TO OTHERS!

**dAsEeKeR:** and if I don't? what r u gonna do about it? Kill me?

-_Bellatrix Lestrange has signed in as _

**Konvict: **cuz!

**AvadayourKedavra: **Bella! My loyal Death Eater! How are you?

**HerbKing: **screams Bellatrix Lestrange! That Bth!

**D.E. Queen: **um…wow. I didn't know my presence was so…awaited.

**LibraryQueen77: **trust me, its not.

**Lo0onythe mo0ony: **yeah…umm…You're kind of… Dark. Not to mention that you're a Muggle pop sensation.

**dAhOtTeRsEeKeR:** oh, God give me patience.

**HerbKing: **Luna, no offence, but that doesn't make sense.

**Konvict: **nothing the girl says makes sense.

**D.E.Queen: **I'm guessing you already told her about the Dark Lord's plot to capture her, huh?

**AvadayourKedavra: **yeah. She requested a cell with no moss to keep away the Nimphores.

**LibraryQueen77: **Luna, I give up on you. I swear… you're so… WEIRD!

**dAsEeKeR: **agreed. By the way, Bellatrix you want to see something funny?

**D.E.Queen: **yes.

**HerbKing: **I think Voldemort is getting pissed.

**AvadayourKedavra: **you think?

**D.E.Queen: **OH MY DARK LORD! THAT IS HILARIOUS! WHAT AN IDIOT! DID SOMEONE PERMANENTLY STUPEFY YOU?

**dAhOtTeRsEeKeR: **Aunt Bellatrix! Tell me what's so funny!

**Konvict: **don't tell him, Bellatrix. I like watching Narcissa's kid suffer.

**AvadayourKedavra: **screams in frustration I'm LEAVING!

_-__has signed off._

**LibraryQueen77: **yeah, Harry, Sirius, Neville and Luna, I have some Runes homework to do. Bye! Off to my kingdom

-_is now offline._

**Lo0onythemo0ony: **she means the library.

**Konvict: **can you be any more obvious?

**Lo0onythemo0ony: **yes. But sadly, I have to go. Daddy and I are going Yreka hunting. Tootles!

-_is now offline._

**dAhOtTeRsEeKeR:** AH! PANSY PARKINSON'S STEALING MY HAIR GEL!

-_is__ now offline._

**D.E.Queen: **what the bloody hell is a Yreka? Wait, I don't want to know.

-_is now offline._

**dAsEeKeR: **Neville, where'd you go?

**HerbKing: **my plant's losing control. The one my gran got me from Assyria for my birthday. Sorry, harry, but I have to go.

-_is now offline._

**dAsEeKeR: **I guess its just you and me.

**Konvict: **yeah, NO.

-_is now offline._

**dAsEeKeR: **wow, my Godfather loves me.

**Ghost: **he truly, really does.

**dAsEeKeR: **screams like a girl

**-**_is__ now offline._

**Ghost: **wow, I feel loved.

A/N: there u go! For those who requested some more Draco Malfoy, I hope you enjoy. If you want more chapters, then….

(8)Leave me a review, and I'll get back to you!(8)

xXxo0oxXx

o.ORaVeNcLaW.bUbBlEsO.o


	3. Your Hair Stinks!

**A/N:** hi again...just thought you'd like to know for those who asked me about it that my computer is messed…...whenever I try to put an action between stars, it doesn't work, so I'm going to try to put them in these/\...ok? Ok!

**Disclaimer:** if I owned Harry Potter, do you think that I'd be wallowing in self pity about why I don't own Harry Potter? No, I think not.

**Characters: **James Potter, Sirius Black, Lily Evans, Severus Snape, Draco Malfoy, Fleur Delacour, Albus Dumbledore, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger.

let the story begin!

Today, our story begins with Albus Dumbledore, who is on his Mac®, surfing Google®, Ask®, and iTunes® in pursuit of a podcast on quilting patterns. He comes across the path of a chat room of his interest, and decides to enter it.

_-Albus Dumbledore has signed in as_** KnitTheDore.**

**KnitTheDore: ** hello?

**SillyLily: **hi Professor.

**SeriouslySirius: **'sup big Al?

**Name'sJames: **hey P.D.

**KnitTheDore: **Hello Miss Evans, Mr. Black and Mr. Potter. How are you on this lovely evening?

**SeriouslySirius: **same old, same old.

**Name'sJames: **speaking of old...

**KnitTheDore: **don't push your luck, Mr. Potter.

**Name'sJames: **shutting up...

**SillyLily: **that's the best idea you've had all day! And we've been working on a History of Magic report for 13 HOURS!

**SeriouslySirius: **speaking of history...

**KnitTheDore: **Mr. Black! Shut up!

**SillyLily: **He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let him fool you. He really is an idiot.

_-Severus Snape has signed in as _**Notions4Potions**

**Name'sJames: **what brings you here, Snivellus?

**Notions4Potions: **not you. I was in pursuit of Lily. I hadn't found her in the library, and she's normally there at 5:26 pm on until 8:34 pm. every Wednesday, Thursday and normally Saturdays if she's not in Hogsmeade.

**SeriouslySirius: **wow...we've a stalker who's as slick as the grease on his hair.

**Notions4Potions: **this coming from a dog?

**SillyLily: ** and might I add a dog that has a stench strong enough to make You-Know-Who himself vomit?

_-Ron Weasley has signed in as _**Queasley.**

**Name'sJames: **Lils, I don't think Sirius smells THAT bad. I mean, once you share a dorm with him, you kind of get used to it. Besides, it's Big Al that smells funny.

**Queasley: **who's Big Al?

**KnitTheDore: ** it is I, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Mr. Black just finds it rather humorous to call me Big Al. And I do not smell STRANGE!

**Queasley: ** umm...now that Sirius brings it up, you kind of do smell funny. Not that it's your fault. You're 150 years old. At least you smell better than my Aunt Muriel.

**SillyLily: **you guys are RUDE! I mean...he doesn't really smell THAT bad. Give him credit. At least he smells better than Nearly Headless Nick's Death day party.

_-Hermione Granger has signed in as _**ElvesNeedHats**

**KnitTheDore: **Miss Granger! Of course! How silly of me to look you over!

**ElvesNeedHats: **Ok, I'll bite.

**Queasley: **….you'll bite?

**Name'sJames: **What exactly will you bite?

**SeriouslySirius: ** And how exactly does it taste?

**Notions4Potions: ** Never have I been in the presence of such inappropriate people.

**SillyLily: ** I feel you, Sev. I would leave, but sadly I have nothing better to do. And it is quite funny to watch Potter and Black make fools of themselves.

**KnitTheDore: ** Yes, I relatively agree with Miss Evans. Mrs. Black and Potter, brains aren't everything. In fact, in your case, they are nothing.

**Queasley: **Nice one, sir.

**Name'sJames: **What do you MEAN "Mrs. Black and Potter"?!?!

**SeriouslySirius: **Do we look gay to you?!?! Anyways, we were talking about a pogo stick. But do we look gay to you, seriously?!?!

**ElvesNeedHats: **Do you really want him to answer that?

**KnitTheDore: **I apologize. It was a typo. But yes, you doo look somewhat homosexual.

_-Fleur Delacour has signed in as _**BlondeAttraction.**

**Queasley: ** /stutter\ hi Fleur…

**BlondeAttraction: **'ello Ronald.

**ElvesNeedHats: **oh, honestly Fleur. You even type with an accent!

**KnitTheDore: ** I actually believe that Miss Delacour is being rather wise. It would seem somewhat random is she typed like any other Brit. Don't you agree?

**BlondeAttraction: ** oui, merci Monsieur Dumbledore. 'Ow are you, Ronald? And more importantly, 'ow is Bill?

**SillyLily: ** is this Blondie French?

**SeriouslySirius: ** I bet she's Spanish.

**Notions4Potions: ** she's OBVIOUSLY French, idiots.

**Name'sJames: **NO! Spanish people ignore H's too!

**BlondeAttraction: ** I'm French. Do you 'appen to know any Spanish person 'oo says "oui" and "merci" and "monsieur"?

_-Draco Malfoy has signed in as _**BlondeAndGorgeous.**

**Queasley: **oh, hey look! A real live gay person!

**ElvesNeedHats: **Malfoy. Have you ever considered turning away from a mirror?

**KnitTheDore: ** well, give him credit. At least he cares about his appearance.

**Name'sJames: **so what you're saying is that basically me and Padfoot don't?

**SillyLily: **no. That would be a lie bigger than me saying that my hair is not red.

**BlondeAttraction: **euuuwww! You 'ave red 'air? 'Ow disgusting!

**Notions4Potions: **it is not NEARLY as disgusting as blondes!

**KnitTheDore: ** I beg to differ, Severus. Nothing is more disgusting than your hair.

**Queasley: **well...There was the time that Hermione asked me to borrow my brush and she had to use 'Reparo' like…948873908238 times. This woman's hair is B-U-S-H-Y!

**ElvesNeedHats: **Ron!!!! That was a S-E-C-R-E-T! Anyways, at least I don't have ginger hair. Like the rest of my family. \cough cough/

**BlondeAndGorgeous: **anyways, everyone knows that blondes rule. Our hair is so…shiny…so sexy….so gorgeous…

**KnitTheDore: **well, silver hair is equally as valuable. Nobody in here has silver hair.

**SeriouslySirius: **well, nobody in here is over 18.

**Name'sJames: **and nobody's hair is lower than their butts.

**KnitTheDore: ** ahh, James. The day I cut my hair is the day Severus washes his.

**Notions4Potions: ** HEY! What did I ever do to you?!?!

**BlondeAttraction: **your 'air. Eet disgusts me.

**SeriouslySirius: **hahahahaha Snivellus!

**ElvesNeedHats:** well, Professor Dumbledore does make a good point. I mean, his HAIR. You can make a grease factory out of it.

**BlondeAndGorgeous: **I use Sun Silk! It keeps my hair nice and blonde and shiny.

**Queasley: **I use something a little less gay. Like Head and Shoulders. It keeps my colour nice and rich. And keeps me straight, unlike Malfoy. Gaylord.

**Name'sJames: **yeah, well I use Pantene Pro V. that way, my hair is always sexy.

**SillyLily: **Potter, that's a lie and a half. You're hair is not sexy. It's dry. And it would get better if you stopped running your hands through it every now and then. It ticks me off. And by the way, there is NO shampoo greater than Suave.

**SeriouslySirius: **uh, hate to break it to you darling, but there is. It starts with a L and ends with an oreal.

**Notions4Potions: **yeah. That's your problem. You use all these expensive luxuries for your hair. I'm a wizard, so I simply use 'Scourgify'.

**KnitTheDore: **Are you freaking kidding me?!?!? You wash your hair with WATER?! Have you ever actually USED shampoo? Or even SOAP?!?! Or SELSUN BLUE?!?!

**BlondeAttraction: **Vous êtes très stupide. Everyone 'ere knows zat ze greatest shampooing ever eez…

**ElvesNeedHats: **what? Like, honestly. Your hair can't be real it honestly looks fake. Faux. Unreal.

**Queasley: **Shut up, 'Mione. What is it Fleur….?

**BlondeAttraction: **Johnsons' Baby Shampoo. Its keeps ze 'air très, très, très soft. C'est magnifique!

**ElvesNeedHats: **Oh! I used to use that….when I was three.

**BlondeAttraction: **you are just jealous. You do not 'ave my gorgeous hair.

**BlondeAndGorgeous:** you tell it like it is sister! That girl's hair is so bushy that when I first saw her, I thought she was an escaped Mandrake from Herbology.

**Queasley: ** shut up, Malfoy. When I first saw you, I thought you were a woman. Your mom is manlier than you. And trust me; your mom is F-E-M-I-N-I-N-E!

**KnitTheDore: **Ouch, Mr. Weasley. That was cold. That was dry. You burned him bad.

**Notions4Potions: **I am leaving I cannot tolerate any more of this nonsense. I'll see you later, Lily.

**SillyLily: **I'm with you on that, Sev. Why don't we just go meet in the library now? I've had enough of working with Potter and Black.

_­-Severus Snape has signed out._

_-Lily Evans has signed out._

**Name'sJames: ** oh, damn, they're going to be in the library alone together. I need to go spy.

_-James Potter has signed out._

**SeriouslySirius: **Yay! Opportunity! I'm going to watch James make a fool of himself. Tootles.

_-Sirius Black has signed out._

**KnitTheDore: ** I NEED to find a Godforsaken quilting pattern! I need tips!

**ElvesNeedHats: **I'm a rather accomplished quilter! Shall I meet you in the room of requirement now?

**KnitTheDore: **yes! Thank MERLIN!

_-Hermione Granger has logged out._

_-Albus Dumbledore has logged out._

**Queasley: **I'm going to……the bathroom…..the one on the seventh floor… next to the come and go room…. BYE

_**­**__-Ron Weasley has signed out._

**BlondeAndGorgeous: **it's just you and me now, Fleur. What say we go to the salon and get ourselves a makeover?

**BlondeAttraction: ** I would love to. 'Ow about we Apparate to Paris? Or Toronto? I 'ear they 'ave a great salon called Jie….

_-Draco Malfoy has signed out._

_-Fleur Delacour 'as singed out._

**Ghost: ** nobody to scare this time….

A/N: this one may have sucked, but I was dedicating it to Jie, my buddy and his salon that just shut down cuz he's moving L… so anyways, I'll make a funnier chapter next time, and I hope you read all of the future chapters to come!

(8)Leave me a Review, and I'll get back to you!(8)

xXxo0oxXx

o.ORaVeNcLaW.bUbBlEsO.o


	4. Wanted

A/N: Hiii readers! Sorry I haven't really been updating, seeing as school is driving me mad. Anyways, I go to boarding school now and I made 3 best friends, who ironically are in LOVE with the Marauders, so we are the Moderners! I'm Claws (my animagus is a lion, and I'm actually a descendant of prongs..), cuz I wear glasses, my hair REALLY hates me and my life basically revolves around sports and bullying people into using clearasil! Anyways, my laptop got taken away cuz I was messaging during class..but we got it back(6)!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, and if I did, then I would have been a Marauder, and Wormtail wouldn't exist. Also, I don't own msn. I'd pwn EVERYTHING to do with HP if I did.

On with the chat log.

**-Hermione Granger **has logged in as **HerLadyGrace**

**Lionesse**hey Hermione. How's Dijon?

**HerLadyGrace**Horrible, Ginny. It's cold and wet and boring. I'd much rather be at The Burrow.

**Lioness: **be at The Burrow…ha-ha...good one, Hermione. Anyways, Malfoy's here...but he shut up after you logged on. Apparently, it's degrading to talk to a "Mudblood". Funny…you'd've thought it was degrading to talk to the youngest child in the family of the biggest blood traitors in the history of magic…

**SlytherinGod**yeah, but you're hot, Weaslette. That's ok.

**Lionesse**What about Hermione?

**SlytherinGod**ok...Look. She's ok looking…but her head…it's...BUSHY! Who wants to talk to someone with a bushy head?

-**Lord Voldemort **has signed in as **Die**

**HerLadyGrace**I would, you egotistic faggot.

**Die: **you would…die? And I'm not an egotistic faggot…I mean...Ouch... Even the Dark Lord has feelings…

**Lionesse**COUGHSUURECOUGH

**SlytherinGod**anyways…yeah Granger would die. But not at my hands, though. My gorgeous hands…

**HerLadyGrace**I'm not planning on dying any time soon..i mean I die for Ron's smile..But that's beside the point

**Lionesse**a HA! I KNEW you liked Ron!

-**Harry Potter **has signed in as **GryffindorGod**

**SlytherinGod**ewe, Granger. I don't really think much of your taste.. I mean OK...Krum was cool and shit…but…WEASLEY?!?!

**GryffindorGod**you just found out who Hermione likes? God, Malfoy, you're so freaking late.

**Die:** Potter. I have a request to besquech upon you.

**HerLadyGrace**is besquech even a word…?

**Lionesse**umm...I don't think so...

**SlytherinGod**it sounds more like a weird squelching sound…

**GryffindorGod**honestly, Voldemort. You could do with a thesaurus. Just say to ask of me… And don't humiliate yourself…

**Die: **NEVER! WHAT IS THIS?!?! STOP INSULTING MY HONOR!

**HerLadyGrace**someone is PMS-ing

**-Sirius Black **has signed in as **It'sSiriusBitch**

**Lionesse**might I recommend Kotex®?

**It'sSiriusBitch**umm…No thanks, Ginny. I'll pass. Remus could use some, though ;D

**Die: **Black! I want my Horcrux and I want it NOW!

**SlytherinGod**wow Lord, you're SUCH a baby...

**HerLadyGrace**honestly, Voldemort. Stop whining.

**GryffindorGod**anyways, you know what they say.

**Die: **no, what?

**Lionesse**moron….Finders keepers, Losers weepers. Moron.

-**James Potter **has signed in as **IhateHowMuchILoveYou**

**Die: **I'm not a moron…whimper….

**IhateHowMuchILoveYou**yes you are… who puts their screen name as 'Die'? Oh...And ignore my random presence..

**GryffindorGod**yeh...There's an idea

**It'sSiriusBitch**ok…. This is the most random chat room I've ever been in ;)

**HerLadyGrace**all that's missing is…well there r a lot of people missing but I want to see Rita Skeeter, Luna Lovegood and Harry's mum. And that's just the beginning...

**IHateHowMuchILoveYou** pshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….who names there kid Harry?

**Die:** you.

**IhateHowMuchILoveYou**oh yeah…snigger

**-Lily Evans **has signed in as **ILoveHowMuchIHateYou**

**GryffindorGod**anyways, I don't see anything wrong with my name… better than Sirius, anyway.

**IloveHowMuchIHateYou**I agree…

**Lioness**ANYWAYS, the point is that we all now know who Hermione likes.

**-Rita Skeeter **has signed in as **AttractiveBlonde**

**It'sSiriusBitch**oh? Who does Hermione like? ...does freaky perverted eyebrow thing…

**AttractiveBlonde**o0o0o0oh! It's Sirius! And… a BOY?!?!?! Isn't that kind of naughty for you…Little Miss Perfect?

**Die: **clearly not….moron...

**SlytherinGod**_I say! Good one, my lord! ….guffaws.._

**GryffindorGod**Malfoy, you're SUCH a faggggggggggg. Who …guffaws…? Anymore?

**Lionesse**besides fags? Or Dumbledore?

**It'sSiriusBitch**….umm…Snivellus.

**ILoveHowMuchIHateYou**SEVERUS doesn't…'guffaw'... Or chortle or anything of the like…

**IHateHowMuchILoveYou**she's right, you know. I haven't seen him do anything, really.

**AttractiveBlonde** I think he was born with that expression…

**HerLadyGrace**he may have sneered occasionally…

**GryffindorGod**hold it! I remember he attempted smiling at me before my first ever match!

**HerLadyGrace**you mean back in year one? Oh, goodness, Harry! He was drunk that night, didn't I tell you?

**ILoveHowMuchIHateYou**Severus doesn't DO drunk.

**It'sSiriusBitch**he HAS to. I mean…what sober person would do him?

**Die: **LMAO good one, Black!

**SlytherinGod**...the hell?

**Die: **damnnn…I did not just do that…

**Lionesse**you did…you did…

**AttractiveBlonde**whoa….this convo MUST be printed in the _Daily Prophet! _

**HerLadyGrace**QUICK Voldemort! Immobilize her using ur super powers!

**Die: **why should I listen to you, Mudblood?

**ILoveHowMuchIHateYou**because MUGGLE BORNS are actually better than most pure blooded or half blooded witches.

**Lionesse**yeah, just look at Hermione…

-**Dolores ****Umbridge**has signed in as **ILoveCorneliusOnMyFudge**

**AttractiveBlonde**yeah, but half bloods tend to have more nerve.. I mean, look at Harry! Teaching the DA right under the ministry's protuberant nose!

**SlytherinSeeker**and the only reason I hadn't ratted them out is cuz the Weaslette is hot.

**Die: **anyways, the ministry is after me and Black's $$es, so I'm really for any anti-ministry actions

**ILoveCorneliusOnMyFudge**_hem __hem_

**-Harry Potter **has signed out

**-Sirius ****Black **has signed out

**-Draco Malfoy **has signed out

**-Lily Evans **has signed out**-James Potter **has signed out

**-Hermione Granger **has signed out**-Ginny Weasley **has signed out

**-Rita ****Skeeter**has signed out**-Lord Voldemort **has signed out**-Even that random end-of-the-convo ghost **has signed out

A/N: there u go! Ps, if this sucks...I'm sorry… I didn't write this alone… this is the Work of the Moderners.


	5. Italic Abuse

A/N: ohk... I took heed on Violet44's request…and its happening! Also, I'm going as Bellatrix for Halloween…You?

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Characters: Harry Potter, Serra Potter, young Sirius Black, Young James Potter, young Lily Evans, Minerva McGonagall, young Gellert Grindelwald, Albus Dumbledore, Hermione Granger, Voldemort.

(I know there are a lot of characters, but plot DINOSAURS, people!)

**-Harry Potter **has logged in as **Mr****GinnyWeasley**

**Mrs****SiriusBlack**Harry…must you?

**MrGinnyWeasley: **look who's talking…

**-Sirius Black **has signed in as **MrPadfoot**

**MrsSiriusBlack: **touché…

**MrPadfoot**…I have a fun club…

**MrGinnyWeasley: **not nearly as big as mine (H)

**MrsSiriusBlack: **yeah, but mine tops both of yours' off. Burn…

**-James Potter **has signed in as **MrLilyEvans**

**MrPadfoot**REGARDLESS. I _still _have a fan club.

**MrLilyEvans: ** /annoying wrong buzzing sound that comes on Muggle game shows\ I, dearest Padfoot, am the one with the fans. You are my biggest fan.

**MrGinnyWeasley: **Hey dad.

**MrLilyEvans: **huh…?

**MrPadfoot: **oh, HONESTLY Prongs. You sign on as MrLilyEvans, and you TOTALLY forgot that you get the woman in the end and end up having two kids. The SHAME!

**MrsSiriusBlack: **I _know! _It's unbe_lieva_ble!

**-Lily Evans **has logged on as **MrsSeverusSnape**

**MrGinnyWeasely: **ewe… mum that's gross…

**MrLilyEvans: **uh...Yeah. Like…what does that great slimy git have that I don't?

**MrPadfoot: ** I could give you two things, but I insist on your hot daughter /does freaky perverted eyebrow thing that creeps people out\ to do it.

**MrsSiriusBlack:** ohk… bit random, Sirius, but ohk. Number one: mum. Number two: a mindD

**MrsSeverusSnape: **I have RIGHTS, you know! The world doesn't revolve around sexy arrogant big headed guys like Potter!

**MrGinnyWeasley: **let's pretend that mum _didn't _call dad… /shudder\... 'Sexy'

**-Minerva McGonagall **has logged in as **MrsAlbusDumbledore**

**MrPadfoot: **there ya go, Prongs! Apparently, Evans thinks you're sexy! How good does that make you feel?

**MrsAlbusDumbledore: **oh? Does she, now? I would've _thought _that _you_ of _all_ people, Miss Evans, would have thought to give yourself some _dignity _before pronouncing your positive views to Potter.

**MrGinnyWeasley/MrsSiriusBlack/MrLilyEvans: **which one?

**MrPadfoot: **you're really enjoying this, aren't you?

**MrsAlbusDumbledore: **I daresay I am. D.

**MrsSeverusSnape: **anyways, Professor, _you're _one to talk!

**MrsSiriusBlack: **mum's got a point, you know, Prof.

**MrsAlbusDumbledore: **why, whatever do you mean?

**-Lord Voldemort **has signed in as **MrDarkLord**

**-Gellert Grindelwald **has signed in as **MrAlbusDumbledore**

**MrsSiriusBlack: **/cough\there might be a LSIGHT chance you're letting the whole world you love Professor Dumbledore/cough\

**MrDarkLord: **NO IT ISN'T! BECAUSE IT'S NOT TRUE!

**MrAlbusDumbledore: **damn…it is, isn't it?

**MrLilyEvans: **just a bit.

**MrGinnyWeasley: **The world doesn't revolve around _you, _Voldejunk...

**MrsAlbusDumbledore: **Gellert, do me a favour.

**MrGinnyWeasley: **I think I know what's coming…:-P

**MrPadfoot: **brb…Regulus wants to check his gay neopets.

**MrAlbusDumbledore: **I'm gayD

**MrsSeverusSnape: **good for you.

**MrsAlbusDumbledore: ** as I was saying, GELLERT, leave Albie alone! He's MINE!

**-Albus Dumbledore** has logged in as **MrDoloresUmbridge**

**MrDarkLord: **what the hell, Dumbledore? Of _all _the people you could have, you pick _her?_

**MrGinnyWeasley: **yeah, um…me and Serra MIGHT have something to do with that... (a)

**MrDoloresUmbridge: **keep talking…

**MrsSeverusSnape: **they _so _Confunded him.

**MrsSiriusBlack: **are you _kidding _me, mum?!?!

**MrsAlbusDumbledore: **they ought to have _blinded _him to make him go for _that _old bat!

**MrDarkLord:** I quite agree. But then, anything to make Dumbledore die painfully, so I _totally_ agree with him going out with Umbridge.

**MrDoloresUmbridge: t**hank you, Tom. So kind you are. And, Miss Potter, would you be so kind as to continue talking?

**MrsSiriusBlack: **/sigh\ thanks, Harry. Ohk, we injected love potion in your lemon thingies.

**-Hermione Granger **has logged on as **MrsViktorKrum**

**Mrs****AlbusDumbledore**is this the most random convo ever, or what?

**MrsViktorKrum: **perhaps….if _Snape_hadn't taken away everyone else's laptops for not doing their Hiccough Solutions correctly.

**MrsSeverusSnape: **don't you bring _my _Sev into this!

**MrsSiriusBlack: **mum… must you? I mean, it's a _bit_ random, _seeing _as u and dad (_James Potter) _ had me…and ur all like…_loving _Snape!

**MrGinnyWeasley: **Like _omg! _Yeah mum!

**MrLilyEvans:** see, Lilyflower? Our _children _whom Padfoot will take care of one and marry _agree! _

**MrDoloresUmbridge: **this is…wrong. I want a lemon sherbert!

**MrsViktorKrum: **you do know about the….

**MrAlbusDumbledore: **he knows, Mudblood, he knows.

**MrsViktorKrum: **and aren't you….

**MrDarkLord: **he is, Mudblood, he is.

**MrsViktorKrum: **umm… I give up. I need to seek refuge in Ron's arms and take heed I the library. Excuse me. Oh, and Professor McGonagall?

**MrsAlbusDumbledore:** Miss Granger?

**MrsViktorKrum: **I SAW YOU MAKING OUT WITH HAGRID BACK IN FIRST YEAR!

**-Hermione Granger **is now offline.

**MrDoloresUmbridge: **MINERVA! I am _SHOCKED!_

**-Albus Dumbledore **is now offline.

**MrAlbusDumbledore: **o0o0o0oh! Juicy! Spill!

**MrsAlbusDumbledore: **/stammer\

**-Minerva McGonagall **is now offline.

**MrAlbusDumbledore: **it's lonely here at Nurmengard/sad face\. Someone come and visit me… please?

**MrDarkLord: **hmm…visiting is gay...How about I go to duel: the two greatest Dark Wizards of all time…?

**MrAlbusDumbledore: **o0o0oh! Yay! Bring a camcorder; I wanna post it on YouTube!

**MrDarkLord: **then it's a date. (Not literally, you Gaylord.)

**-Gellert Grindelwald **is now offline.

**-Lord Voldemort **is now offline.

**MrsSiriusBlack: **what just happened…?

**MrsSeverusSnape: **I don't know, darling, but I honestly don't intend to find out. To the library!

**-Lily Evans **is now offline.

**MrLilyEvans: **Girl of mine, doesn't Lily remind you of that Hermione Granger?

**MrsSiriusBlack: **yes; I always said harry and Hermes should get together, but no0o0o0o0o0o. 'I want Ginny! Stay out of my life! Sirius! Make her leave me alone!'

**MrGinnyWeasely: **I don't sound like that… ANYWAYS, dad, Ginny's a read head. Huh? Huh/freaky perverted eyebrow thing\

**MrLilyEvans: **ahhhh, nice one, bro….son…same sht. ANYWAYS, I'm out… wanna see what the house elves have for Master James Potter today… pce.

**-James Potter **is now offline.

**MrsSiriusBlack: **hey _Harry. Harryyyyy! _Still have some love potion left? Wanna prank Hermione? I'll bring… uhmm…

**MrGinnyWeasley: **Eloise Midgeon's big bro? hahaaaaaa! B right there. Also, _stop abusing the italics!_

**-Serra Potter **is now offline.

**-Harry Potter **is now offline.

Some 50 mins later:

**MrPadfoot: **back! Regulus and his gay$$ neopets…. What'd I miss?

**MrMoaningMyrtle: **lots of sht, bro.

**MrPadfoot: **damn…ah well. Must continue tradition/screams and runs away\

**-Sirius Black **is now offline.

**MrMoaningMyrtle: **_damn! _Myrtle's calling! You'd've thought that getting with her would cheer her up, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. "I'm _dead_ you insensitive foul load of muck! What's the point?!" I ask you!

STOP READINGG!!

A/N: THAT'S IT, PEOPLE! This chapter may've sucked, but I was in a romantic mood, thanks to my soul sister Chaa 3!! Ah well! Ttyl, imma go rent the number 23!!

xXxo0oxXo


	6. Your Sexy Earlobes

A/N: PLEASE DON'T RAPE ME!

Just because I'm crazy doesn't mean I'm wrong! 

**-Serra Potter **has just in as **HubbaBubba**

**MarsBras: ** Sup, little Prongsie?**  
HubbaBubba: **.cough. Sirius? You know your name says Mars _Bras_?  
**MarsBras: **absolutely.  
**MochaLatte: **Don't bother, young foal. He's more stuck on it than gum on a snake.

-**Luna Lovegood** has signed in as **SugarCookie**

Hubbabubba: ...What the hell kind of simile is that? _He's more stuck on it than gum on a snake._  
**MochaLatte: **HAVE YOU EVER STUCK GUM ON YOUR SNAKE? Didn't think so. :D.  
**HubbaBubba: **do I even HAVE a snake?  
**MarsBras: **shhhhh Prongsie! Don't let the enemy know!  
**SugarCookie: **:) 



-**Fred Weasley **has signed in as **PoundCake  
**  
**HubbaBubba: **finally! Someone with a life!  
**PoundCake: **WHO?!  
**HubbaBubba: **why do I even bother? -.-;  
**SugarCookie: **because you're a good person who gives people chances  
**MochaLatte: **she does NOT! She didn't give ME a chance! (U)  
**PoundCake: **well, dipshit, that's because you killed her parents.  
**MarsBras: **oh! OWNED! 

-**Romilda Vane **has signed in as **ButterTart**

HubbaBubba: The point is I give people chances. People who are not obsessed with Harry, that is... xD  
**ButterTart: **BITCH!  
**PoundCake: **K look, bitch. She has a point.  
**MarsBras: **...what's her point? D  
**MochaLatte:**O0OH O0O0OH! LET ME GUESS! PLEASE! PLEASE! LET ME GUESS!**  
HubbaBubba: **no :D  
**MochaLatte: **:O :'(  


**SugarCookie: **that wasn't very nice, Serra. He quite obviously wants to guess.  
**MarsBras: **LMFAO.  
**HubbaBubba: **Luna, stop sympathizing with Voldemort. He. Is. Evil. Okay?  
**PoundCake: **back to the non-existent point, Romilda, have you even SPOKEN to Harry?  
**ButterTart: **my presence is seductive enough.  
**SugarCookie: **no it isn't. You mustn't lie.  
**MochaLatte: **MINE IS! BELLATRIX FREAKING ORGASMS WHEN I'M AROUND D (H)  
**PoundCake: **let's see your best pick up line.

-**Harry Potter **has just signed in as **BananaMilkshake**

ButterTart: Your thighs jiggle when you're riding your broom.  
**BananaMilkshake: **:  
**HubbaBubba: **wtf. Just, wtf.  
**SugarCookie: **what does _wtf_ mean? :)  
**MarsBras: **it means wow that's funny.  
**BananaMilkshake: **wait! Guys! Do my thighs really jiggle?  
**MochaLatte: **Potter, do you even have meat on your 

bones for them to jiggle?  
**ButterTart:** WAIT! Harry, you have the stretchiest earlobes ever.  
**BananaMilkshake: **why must you insult me?!  
**PoundCake: **HAHAHAHAHAHHAAH  
**MarsBras: **ROFL. ROFL. ROFL!!11111ONE!!11  
**HubbaBubba: **you're not flirting, are you?  
**SugarCookie: **yes she is:) and I applaud her creativity.  
**ButterTart: **wait! That's not all...  
**MochaLatte: **i swear this one's more evil than me.  
**BananaMilkshake: **Oh dear God.  
**ButterTart: **you have the eye colour of diarrhea. 

-**Harry Potter **has signed out.

**ButterTart: **NO! HARRRRRRRRRRRYYYYY! THE LOVE OF MY LIFEEEEEEEE!  
**HubbaBubba: **go find him!  
**MochaLatte: **skedaddle.  
**ButterTart: **yes! Yes! Where is he?!  
**PoundCake: **he's in the deepest fishing hole in Antarctica.  
**SugarCookie: **are you guys trying to get rid of her?  
**MarsBras: **is it working? :D 



-**Romilda Vane **has signed out.

**HubbaBubba: **righteous. Freddikins, let's go teach her the special ceremonious Harry Dance.  
**PoundCake: **what dance?  
**HubbaBubba: **exactly :D  
**PoundCake: **i like the way you think /Perverted eyebrow thing\  
**SugarCookies: **that's not very nice, Serra and Fred.  
**MarsBras: **don't you have scrimbplies or something to eat?  
**MochaLatte: **I WANT A SCRIMBPLIE!  
**SugarCookie: **okay. Meet me at Czech Republic in 10.  
**MochaLatte: **YAYYYYY! :D! 

-**Voldemort **has signed out.

**PoundCake: **Luna, you can't apparate.  
**SugarCookie: **exactly ;) 

-**Luna Lovegood **has signed out.

**HubbaBubba: **we have taught her well. Too well. LET'S GO TAME THAT BEAST! 



-**Serra Potter **has signed out.  
-**Fred Weasley **has signed out. 

**MarsBras: **so..ghost... how's it going with Myrtle?

_**Auto message from lifeless ghost: **__playing _through the head _with Myrtle. Kill me now!_

STOP IT WITH THE READING!

a/n: ISNA: WHAT? ISNA: WHAT? xD after you're done reading, leave me a review, THEN SKEDADDLE OVER TO messers.padfoot.and.prongs., my favourite dolts in the world :D  
i'm helping them out with their kickass story, The Twisted Life of Lily Evans, so keep your eyes out to bubbly content :D 


	7. Raging Homosexual

A/N: k

A/N: k. I was bored enough to Google my username…blahahahaha xD… and I got some forum about 's worst summaries, and guess who got number one, faithful readers? ME! WAAAAAAAAAAAH! So I sent this _Lady Kitty_ a very angry PM explaining my situation (which shall remain undisclosed, spanks and slaps) anyways, you guys don't think I'm a crappy summarizer, do you? :( Actually, don't answer that. In my defense, I can't summarize chat logs! Maybe it's the idea of WLM that irritates this one? Should I discontinue & delete WLM? Review and tell me, please! .

p.s. messers.padfoot.and.prongs, tell anyone about my situation, and I guarantee it will be yours, too :D. Plus, I'll _REFUSE_ to aid you in and endorse The Twisted Life of Lily Evans. Humph.

p.p.s. guys, my msn is deleted.

DISCLAIMER: if I had _les copyrights _to Pothead, I'd be living it up in my 849771893749847 dollar liquid gold chair. Not my 55 dollar beanbag.

Rules should only be followed when you made them up.

**-Dumbledore **has signed in as **Bumblebee09  
**

**Toad91: **_hem hem, _Professor Dumbledore. Are you quite sure your job description states that you are allowed to sign in on WLM? Because chapter 9 of clause 15 of page 8972098 of The Book of Extremely Pointless Rules Made Just to Make Ministry Authorities Look Like Smartasses clearly states that Headmasters should set an example to their students by abiding to their own rules. )  
**Bumblebee09: **piss off.  
**Owl33: **you tell her, Sir! Nasty old gargoyle's been on my case the minute I contradicted I contradicted her. _'Are you a ministry trained teacher, Miss Granger?' _No, but as I recall, you were bragging about being undersecretary to the minister, not a teacher.

**-Ron Weasley **has signed in as **RoughRuff55**Miss Granger, you need a hobby .  
**RoughRuff55: **:O! Hermione _does _have a hobby!

Bumblebee09:

**Owl33: **I do? )

**-Ginny Weasley** has signed in as **PygmyLuff22**

**RoughRuff55: **yes! I'm Hermione's hobby!  
**PygmyLuff22: **wtf…?  
**Toad91: **/GASSSSSSSSSSP!\ /HYPERVENTILATION\  
**Bumblebee09: **-.-;  
**Owl33: **he didn't mean it that way, guys! It was a typo! A Ron-o!

**RoughRuff55: **No, Hermione. It's time I let the world know.  
**PygmyLuff22: **WAIT! /Accio Popcorn and slushie.\ K GO.  
**Owl33: **know what? :S

**-HarryPotter **has signed in as **FagStag77  
**

**RoughRuff22: **I love you, Hermione.  
**FagStag77: **eff my life.  
**Toad91: **AHA! I get it, Dumbledore! I now know your plans! You're trying to get the students to reproduce to attack the ministry. Well it's not going to work, because in chapter 89 of clause 398 of page 92838971348971978 of The Book of Extremely Pointless Rules Made Just to Make Ministry Authorities Look Like Smartasses, it is _FORBIDDEN_ for children under the age of 32 to have feelings for significant others. (H).

**-Voldemort **has signed in as **DiePotter**well, since we're all being honest here… FLITWICK HAS A THING FOR TRELAWNEY! xD  
**Bumblebee09: **oh dear. Oh dear, dear, dear. Poor, poor Pomona.  
**Toad91: **What is this?! Love amongst colleagues!?  
**DiePotter: **Well that's anal.  
**Owl33: **No, what's anal is Dumbledore & McGonagall. They're both like… a century old.  
**RoughRuff55: **Imagine the sex! I bet he has powdered sperm. :P  
**FagStag77: **LMFAO. And the… well, nvm xD  
**DiePotter: **guys, this is disgusting… even for _my_ standards.  
**Toad91: **plus, Dumbledore doesn't have powdered sperm -.-"  
**Bumblebee09: **no I don't (H)  
**Bumblebee09: **wait a second…. o)  
**PygmyLuff22: **Dear.God.Almighty.  
**Owl33: **That's revolting beyond measure. How does Umbridge know that? :S  
**FagStag77: **Isn't it obvious, 'Mione? Our dear old Head is attracted to the foul old gargoyle sort… er…yeah…  
**DiePotter: **Like me? :D  
**RoughRuff55: **Guys, wait. Were forgetting something here….isn't Dumbledore gay?

PygmyLuff22:

**PygmyLuff22: **Good point, Ron! But then why's Dumbledore with two women?

**FagStag77: **he is 150. A CENTURY AND A HALF!  
**DiePotter: **he's a PLAYAAAAAAAAA! Aaaaaaaa! Aaaaaaaaaaaa!  
**Bumblebee09: **why are we even discussing the _TOUCHY_ matter of my sexual preferences? :)  
**DiePotter: **aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  
**Toad91: **yes, because it says in chapter 2 of clause 98 of The Book of Extremely Pointless Rules Made Just to Make Ministry Authorities Look Like Smartasses, that the Headmaster has no love life, and the topic is not to be pondered upon, children! :)  
**DiePotter: **I'M NOT A CHILD! I'M A BIG BOY! :D  
**Owl33: **oh yes. It really shows, Moldy Wart.  
**RoughRuff55: **you stole that crack from me! Along with my heart…(L)  
**PygmyLuff22: **Ron? K. that was so cheesy that I can make 5 extra large Muggle pizza's and a Hagrid sized cheesecake and still have enough cheese left over to feed all of Kenya.  
**Bumblebee09: **ah! Young love!  
**Toad91: **CORNELIUS MUST KNOW IMMEDIATELY!  
**FagStag77: **first person to tell Fudge about this convo is in love with Voldemort. :D  
**DiePotter: **smart move, jackass! Now, DIE.  
**Toad91: **curse you, Potter! Curse you into oblivion!  
**FagStag77: **sorry, Professor. I must not tell lies.  
**Owl33: **um…Harry? What does that have to do with anything? :)  
**RoughRuff55: **come on, 'Mione. It's a cool line.  
**Bumblebee09: **FAWKES IS SMOKING :O!  
**PygmyLuff22: **…should I ask?  
**FagStag77: **don't you mean burning, professor?  
**Bumblebee09: **erm…yes…  
**DiePotter: **ugh, that wretched bird is STILL ALIVE?  
**Bumblebee09: **my honour is offended. I am ghost. Is that what you young folk say these days?  
**PygmyLuff22: **just _leave._  
**Bumblebee09: **remember, children! I was never here.  
**RoughRuff55: **never where? ;)  
**Bumblebee09: **here, Mr Weasley. In this conversation.  
**RoughRuff55: **…. Just leave.  
**DiePotter: **mabe if we all leave, he'll leave.  
**Toad09: **o0oh! Good idea, Dark Lord. ;D  
**Owl33: **COUGHPROSTITUECOUGH

**-Harry Potter **has signed out  
**-Ron Weasley **has signed out  
**-Hermione Granger **has signed out  
**-Ginny Weasley **has signed out  
**-Voldemort **has signed out  
**-Dolores Umbridge **has signed out  
**-Ghost **has signed out.

**Bumblebee09: **that was mean :( Even the ghost has signed out on me… (U)

_**Auto Message: **__Raging Homosexual. _

INSERT DREANGED LAUGHTER

A/N: I feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel you, Johaaaaaaaaaaanaaaaaaaaaa… hehhehehehehehe Prongs hates that :) I sing it to her in class. Just to piss her off. ;D. Go watch Sweeney Todd. Sing along. Dance. Sing! DANCE! SING! xD sorry. Having a CHARAHTASTIC moment;D  
REVIEWWWWWWWWWWWW3


	8. READER CHALLENGE!

A/N:

K. SO.

It has been brought to my attention that PEOPLE have been FLAMING me, screw them :D. Now: FOR THOSE WHOM THE IDEA OF WIZARDS AND WITCHES BEING ON MSN DOESN'T APPEAL TO THEM, DON'T READ MY EFF EFF! GOD! ITS LIKE HATING PICKLES, BUT STILL EATING THEM, THEN COMPLAINING LOUDLY AT A FUENERAL ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU HATE PICKLES! Don't waste my excruciatingly valuable time by criticizing me in vain. Oh and mss Radcliffe, whatever? You're the LAST person to criticize my grammar skills, wiatchhhhhhhhhh. Anyways, I'll stop dignifying those flamers with answers now:D

SO TO MY WONDERFULLY FAILTHFUL READERS WHOM I DO NOT EVEN KNOW, THOUGH LOVE DEARLY, _I _have a challenge for you! I'm moving to a different country emigrating on August 1. Guess which one, and you'll be in my next chapter as yourself or an O/C. You may also choose if you want to be a professor/auror/someone's BF or GF/etc. Please don't send me a private message, as I kinda got banned from msn (hehehe); just reply in the comments page, and I'll post the winner in my profile page. The winner may help me write the chapter if they like, but please be patient, as I won't be publishing till the end of August or beginning of September, k? K! **So remember! DO NOT PM ME! COMMENTS ONLYYYY! :D. You know what? I'll start a forum! giggles such a genius.**

Thanks for bearing the burden,

**o.O RaVeNcLaW.bUbBlEs o.O**

**p.s: i'm changing my name, not because people asked me to, but because it's hard for me to remember xD. I am now known as:**

**charah.tastic **


	9. Have a Happy Period

A/N: 'ey.

Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but all of a sudden, everything's totally different.

**James Potter **has logged in as **I seem to be struck by you**

**You make me so hot: ** exactly. Because she is a moron, she gets pregnant at 16.

**There's more to me than eye candy: **it's disgusting. She's not even married!

**I seem to be struck by you: ** :O\ who?! TELL MEEEEEE!

**You make me so hot: ** Hey dad! Where're mum and Padfoot?

**There's more to me than eye candy: ** Hello Mr Potter!

**Harry Potter **has logged in as **That that don't kill me can only make me stronger**

**I seem to be struck by you: ** Mr Potter? That's my dad….-.-

**That that don't kill me can only make me stronger: ** you're my dad…

**You make me so hot: ** very good, Harry. Now who am I?

**That that don't kill me can only make me stronger: **hmm… your name reflects a bit of horniness, so I'll have to say the teenaged Sirius.

**I seem to be struck by you:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

**You make me so hot: **Harry, you man whore, its Serra and for that, dad, I'm not telling you who Ginny and I are talking about. Though you'd be _quite_ interested if you knew who it was :D

**Sirius Black **has logged in as **I kissed a girl and I liked it**

**Severus Snape **has logged in as **Nobody loves me**

**Remus Lupin** has logged in as **I stumble and fall**

**There's more to me than eye candy: ** Serra, why would your dad care about Snape's niece getting pregnant with Stan Shunpike?

**I kissed a girl and I liked it: **NO!

**I stumble and fall: **/GASP\

**I seem to be struck by you:** WHAT?!

**Nobody loves me: **shit.

**Hermione Granger **has logged in as **I'm gonna smile because I deserve to**

**Nobody loves me: **Nobody was supposed to know about that little disgrace! How did you find out?

**I'm gonna smile because I deserve to: **IT WAS HARRY!

**That that don't kill me can only make me stronger: **Hermione!

**There's more to me than eye candy: **Hermione!

**You make me so hot: **Hermione!

**I kissed a girl and I liked it: **Sirius!

**Voldemort **has signed in as **You should be honoured by my presence**

**Nobody loves me: **You're. So. Effing. Cocky.

**You should be honoured by my presence: **no I'm not, you great slimy git.

**There's more to me than eye candy: ** ah, forget it. Voldemort killed it.

**You should be honoured by my presence: **speaking of kill….

**I'm gonna smile because I deserve to: **drop dead.

**You should be honoured by my presence: **AHA! THAT, I CANNOT! MUAHAHAHA!

**That that don't kill me can only make me stronger: **oh, God. Here it comes.

**I stumble and fall: **brace yourselves.

**You make me so hot: **the big revelation.

**You should be honoured by my presence: **HORCRUXES!

**I kissed a girl and I liked it: **NO!

**I stumble and fall: **/GASP\

**I seem to be struck by you:** WHAT?!

**There's more to me than eye candy: **erm…guys…it's not that big of a surprise, is it?

**I kissed a girl and I liked it: **oh, no, it's not Mouldy Shorts I'm shocked about, it's my spa water. It's done!! OH THE HORROR! WHAT WILL I DRINK?! Wait! NARCISSA MIGHT HAVE SOME! Wait, actually, probably that _pansy_ Lucius. Yeah. YEAH.

**You make me so hot: **you're gay, Pads

**I stumble and fall: **amen.

**You should be honoured by my presence: **oh yeah? What's your excuse, El Gaspo? /.:.giggles.:.\

**I stumble and fall: **/nervous laugh\...em…my…uh…

**I'm gonna smile because I deserve to: **OUT WITH IT, PROFESSOR!

**I stumble and fall: **alright! Alright! My _chocolate_, okay? I just can't function properly. GAH! I'M CRAVING IT ALREADY! WHAT AM I TO DO?! WAIT! Lily. She PMS's! I bet she has some. A LOT! UNDER HER BED! OR WITH HER PADS! K. I'm coo. I'm chill. I'm calm. I NEED CHOCOLATE NOW! The soft, dark brownness..with little coloured pieces here and there…and the satisfaction that comes afterwards..o0o0oh.

**Nobody loves me: **….-.-"

**That that don't kill me can only make me stronger: **is it just me, or does it seem like he's describing poop?

**You should be honoured by my presence: **such a funny word. _Poop. _Hehehehehe!

**You make me so hot: **SO DAD. WHAT ABOUT YOU?

**I seem to be struck by you: **oh, I only said it because everyone else did. I go with the flow. /(H)\.

**There's more to me than eye candy: **guys, wait. Does Voldemort poop?

**I kissed a girl and I liked it: **I imagine a stretch of skin where his ass should be.

**I stumble and fall: **the Dark Lord has cellulite.

**I'm gonna smile because I deserve to: **and breasts.

**You should be honoured by my presence:** OH, WHY STOP THERE?! I HAVE A UTERUS, AND I SHED MY ENDOMETRIUM THROUGH MY VAGINA EVERY FOUR WEEKS IN A PROCESS CALLED THE MENSTRUAL CYCLE. I, IN FACT, AM A WOMAN!

**Nobody loves me: **uhh….

**There's more to me than eye candy: **too far.

**That that don't kill me can only make me stronger: **so _that's_ what a period is. Huh.

**I kissed a girl and I liked it: **and here I was, thinking it was just an excuse not to swim or get laid by MOI. ;D

**I seem to be struck by you: **Swim, or go skinny dipping? God, I can never look at Lilyflower the same way again.

**You should be honoured by my presence: **k I'm just gonna back out slowly like nothing happened.

**You make me so hot: **there's an idea D

**I stumble and fall: **bye, Voldella.

**Voldemort **has logged out.

**I kissed a girl and I liked it: **I'm getting thirsty. I'm gonna go pay a certain prick a visit. ;D

**Sirius Black **has logged out.

**I seem to be struck by you: **OI! HE CAN'T BREAK IN THE SLYTHERIN COMMON ROOM WITHOUT THE MAGIC KEY!

**Nobody loves me: **key? _What _key? POTTER! _WHAT KEY?!_

**I seem to be struck by you: **/snigger\

**Nobody loves me: **/snarl\

**You make me so hot: **/meow\

**James Potter **has logged out.

**Snivellus – **I mean_**Severus**_** Snape **has logged out.

**I stumble and fall: **I _have _to see this. And get more chocolate. LOLLIPOP LOLLIPOP, LALALALALA LOLLIPOP. Erm…sorry. Suffering from Severe Chocolate Withdrawal…

**There's more to me than eye candy: **just _leave._

**Remus Lupin **has logged out.

**I'm gonna smile because I deserve to: **ITS TEN O'CLOCK! Serra, we haven't knitted a _single _house elf hat!

**You make me so hot: …**oh no...how could I forget…/8-)\

**I'm gonna smile because I deserve to: **COMMON ROOM! NOW!

**Hermione Granger **has logged out.

**You make me so hot: **_/sigh_\

**Serra Potter **has logged out.

**That that don't kill me can only make me stronger: **Ginny. Broom cupboard. NOW.

**There's more to me than eye candy: **way ahead of you.

**Harry Potter **has logged out.

**Ginny Weasley **has logged out.

**Ghost: **is it normal for a ghost to get cramps?

**Blahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha**

A/N: I decided to give you one last chapter before _**The Long Wait. **_xD anyways, I'll tell you the songs I used for everyone's screen name. mind that I started this chapter last year and forgot about it xD that's why the songs are kinda old :D

Harry- Stronger by Kanye West  
Serra- Hot by Avril Lavigne  
Hermione- Better in Time by Leona Lewis  
Voldemort- Stronger by Kanye West  
Sirius- I Kissed a Girl by Katy Perry  
Remus- With Me by Sum 41  
Ginny- Insatiable by Elise Estrada  
Snape- Nobody by Anonymous



BY THE WAY: Forum is up. Leave your answers there! AND ONCE AGAIN, _**DO NOT LEAVE ME A PRIVATE MESSAGE!**_

Happy Reading,  
charah.tastic


	10. What the Fawkes!

A/N: this is it. The big One Oh. Ten (English) Dix (French) Ju (Japanese) Ashra (Arabic) Dez (Portugese) En-Tay (Pig Latin xD) X (ROMAN!) :D. Anyways, clearly I'm updating more frequently than normal, but thats because I love you :). I WANNA GO TO PORTUS 2008 :(. I LOVE MUGGLECAST. It's 12:45 am, I'm watching 27 Dresses, eating a whole box of Dora the Explorer Popsicles, and writing WLM. Anyone wanna be my roommate? xD. Anywyas, ever wondered what Hagrid sounded like as a pre-adolescent? These are the questions that haunt me. SO, ENJOY! Plus, now that you have read WLM, you _must_ review, or else the Evil Chocolate Vampire (from messers.padfoot.and.prongs' story, Black Family Reunion), will ATTACK YOU WHILE YOU'RE EATING CHOCOLATE! Of course, eating pickles keeps her away, but that's no excuse not to review!

Disclaimer: JK Rowling will NEVER come close to the country that I'm emigrating to, hence making me NOT JK ROWLING.

The Less Routine, the More Life.

**-Lily Evans **has logged on as **Levans  
Jotter: **wanna go out with me?  
**Levans: **Yes. And I also want to be locked in a broom cupboard for a day with a Boggart.  
**Jotter: **so it's a yes?  
**Hotter: **/sigh\ Dad, mum marries you in the end. Of _course_ it's a yes.  
**Levans: **I just scoffed so loud my throat hurts. Harry, you are _so_ like your father.  
**Hotter: **thanks, mum :D  
**Jotter:** I still don't see why _I _couldn't be named Harry. Hotter is so much cooler than Jotter.  
**-Sirius Black **has logged on as **Slack  
Jotter:** couldn't've put it better myself, mate.  
**Levans: **I, for once, agree with Potter.  
**Slack:** guys, you SUCK.  
**-Draco Malfoy **has logged on as **Dalfoy  
Hotter: **You!  
**Dalfoy: **Me, myself, and I.  
**Jotter: **ah. 'Tis the Narcissius offspring  
**Levans: **Narcissius? Do you _have_ to name every couple to have ever set foot in Hogwarts such anal names?  
**Slack: **He's got a name for you and him too, Lils. Its Jily.  
**Levans: **oh, really? It isn't _Lame(s)_ or _NeverGonnaHappen_?  
**Dalfoy: **Geez, lady. You're stressy.  
**Jotter: **OI! I can make your father's sperm count go from one to none. Got it, boy?  
**Dalfoy: **yes, sir!  
**Hotter: **thanks, Dad! God, now I only have powers the Dark Lord knows not, but Malfoy too! Today's a good day :)  
**Levans: **my only son is a _pansy_.  
**Dalfoy: **OI! Don't besmirch my woman's name on your foul, Mudblood lips!  
**-Hermione Granger** has logged in as **Hanger  
**

**Slack: **I WILL MAKE YOUR _**FATHER **_PREGNANT! GOT IT, BOY?!  
**Dalfoy: **yes, sir!  
**Hanger: **how would you do that?  
**Hotter: **Don't ask questions, Mione. He can do anything.  
**Slack: **I'm Sirius Black, bitch.  
**Levans: **I'm rolling my eyes so much I'm nauseous.  
**-Severus Snape **has logged on as **Ssnape  
Jotter: **I thought it was starting to smell slimy.  
**Hanger: **how can it smell Slimy?  
**Ssnape:** Miss Granger, do not ask questions. Potter can smell anything.  
**Jotter: **it's James Potter, bitch.  
**Levans: **is there a reason you exist? No, really. Is there?  
**Hotter: **Duh, mum! He's the outcome of grandma and grandpa practising unprotected sex. Same as me and Serra are the results of you and dad.  
**Ssnape: **POTTER! Do _not_ put the image of Lily moaning your father's name rather than mine inside my head! Six bazillion points from Gryffindor!  
**Levans: **great.  
**Dalfoy: **umm...EW?  
**Hanger: **oh, please, Malfoy. It was established that Professor Snape's still in love with Harry's mum before your abnormally thick head entered this world.  
**Slack: **GASP! How can _you_ know this and I don't?!  
-**Albus Dumbledore** has logged on as **A Bumblebee  
Hotter: **Sirius, don't tell me you didn't know?! God, you live under a rock under your house.  
**A Bumblebee: **Let me take one of my normally correct guesses and assume that you are speaking about Severus being in love with Lily. Am I correct?  
**Ssnape: **You're a freaky old man, you know that?  
**Hanger: **but how did you know that's what we're talking about?  
**Levans: **Don't inquire, Hermione. It's Dumbledore.  
**A Bumblebee: **It's Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, to be precise. :D  
**Dalfoy: **is there a reason you always, ALWAYS, use your full name?  
**A Bumblebee: **Elphias and Minerva told me that it was cool :(  
**Jotter: **K. Elphias Doge is under the impression that Merlin came back in the form of you, and McGonagall wouldn't know cool if it slapped her in her wrinkled face.  
-**Albus Severus Potter **has logged on as **Spotter  
A Bumblebee: **What the Fawkes?  
**Ssnape: **What the cauldron?  
**Jotter: **what the f-ck were you on?  
**Spotter: **that's no way to greet me! Don't you know who I am? I am Albus Severus Sirius Remus Nymphadora Fred Alastor Rubeus Peter Xenophilius Narcissa Bathilda Neville Hedwig Dobby Dudley Vincent Bellatrix Voldemort Potter, beeotches.  
**Levans: **Oh.My.God.  
**Hanger: **Harry, what is he? Your address book?  


**Jotter: **No, more like a memorial for everyone who died throughout his life. What, Harry? No Lily? No James?  
**Spotter: **actually, Lily's my little sister and James is my big brother.  
**Ssnape: **Potter, you're stupefied.  
**-Serra Potter Black **has logged on as **Me!  
Me!: **hey, what's the dealio? Someone's using Spotter and someone's using Slack. REVEAL YOURSELVES!  
**Spotter: **that would be I, Albus Severus Sirius Remus Nymphadora Fred Alastor Rubeus Peter Xenophilius Narcissa Bathilda Neville Hedwig Dobby Dudley Vincent Bellatrix Voldemort Potter. Who are YOU?  
**Me!: **judging by your ludicrous name, your _aunt._  
**Hotter: **Guys! There's nothing wrong with what I name my son!  
**Slack:** Dude, that's like your whole WLM list. Even your bloody owl is in there!  
**Hanger: **erm...for conversation's sake, Albus Severus, what do in name my kids?  
**Spotter: **Hugo and Rose.  
**A Bumblebee: **you guys really suck at naming children. Of course, I guessed this would happen.  
**Jotter: **you sound like Trelawney.  
**Levans: **Hey, Potter. Didn't Trelawney predict that you and the girl who is wanted by a greasy haired man will be exposed to an effed up revelation?  
**Slack: **GASP! That's right, mates!  
**Hanger: **Oh, Mr and Mrs Potter, please don't tell me you believe in that old fraud?  
**Me!: **Hermione! Trelawney is the shit, man. She's wicked.  
**Hotter: **she lets you sleep in class. If that isn't favouritism...  
**Me!: **Harry, it's not my fault she fell for the whole ADD charade!  
** Jotter: **/sniffle\ that's my girl!  
**Slack: **that's my _wife! _:D  
**Spotter: **that's my aunt  
**-Scorpius Draco Lucius Abraxas Ivanus Malfoy **has logged on as **Salfoy.  
Dalfoy: **...  
**A Bumblebee: **HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH! NO MORE! PLEASE! MY RIBS WILL CRACK!  
**Salfoy: **I'm bordering on child cruelty.  
**Jotter: **has the world run out of names?  
**Slack: **I DON'T HAVE ANY KIDS! Do I, Serra?  
**Me!:** absolutely!  
**Hanger: **I almost don't want to know.  
**Ssnape: **yet I must know.  
**Jotter: **YOU BETTER BE OF AGE!  
**Hotter: **I think I know what's coming.  
**Slack: **k. I'm ready. GO!  
**Me!: **you named him PRONGS BLACK! My sweet little baby boy  
**Levans: **well, that's not too bad.  
**Spotter: **I think it's cool.  


**-Prongs Black **has logged in as **Plack  
Ssnape: **speak of the devil.  
**Plack: **I am not a devil. The devil is afraid of me.  
**Slack: **/sniffle\ I am so proud.  
**Hotter: **why didn't _I _think of that?!  
**Jotter: **my grandson also happens to be my best friend's son. Huh.  
**Levans: **GROSSSSS! THAT MAKES ME A GRANDMOTHER!  
**Jotter: **a very sexy grandma, might I add, Lilyflower.  
**Dalfoy: **DO YOU MIND?! I'M TRYING TO HAVE A PRIVATE CONVO WITH MY SON, AND ALL I SEE IS THIS ORANGE FLASHING BAR AT THE BOTTOM OF MY SCREEN! _**Shut up!  
**_**Hanger: **THEN, LEAVE, MORON!  
**Dalfoy: **fine, MUDBLOOD!  
**Levans: **GASP!  
**Hanger: **scoff.  
**Me!: **Sneeze.  
**A Bumblebee: **/Homosexual movement\  
**-Scorpius Draco Lucius Abraxas Ivanus Malfoy **has logged out.  
**-Draco Malfoy **has logged out  
**Hanger: **HARRYINEEDTOGETINTOTHESLYTHERINCOMMONROOMNOWPLEASE!  
**Hotter: **Done.  
**-Harry Potter **has logged out.  
**-Hermione Granger **has logged out.  
**Slack: **well, now that the children have gone, tell me, Prongsie, how old is Mummy?  
**Plack: **when she was pregnant with me, 18. Now she's 29.  
**Slack: **SCORE!  
** Me!: **pedofile. Don't corrupt his MIND!  
**Plack: **aw, mum, it's okay. Our family's the most corrupted one ever, starting from grandma and grandpa on your side. Plus, I have the _coolest _parents EVER. So yeah. :D  
**Me!: **touché. Well, excuse me while I go enjoy my life before I give myself up to Sirius. CIAO!  
**Slack: **GOODBYE, MY SEXYLICIOUSFUL WIFE!  
**-Serra Potter Black **has logged out  
**Levans: **my poor girl... marrying Sirius...  
**Jotter: **you know, I still don't approve  
**Slack: **but you're dead :).  
**-Sirius Black **has logged out  
**Jotter: **Wanna go out with me?  
**Levans: **no, but I will go beat up Black with you, if that's an option .  
**Jotter: **meh, good enough.  
-**Lily Evans **has logged out  
**-James Potter **has logged out  
**Plack: **so..Al...we were never here, we know nothing about the fact that Grandma clearly loathes Grandpa, and we go bother Scorpius?  


**Spotter: **way ahead of you, mate.  
**-Albus Severus Potter **has logged out  
**-Prongs Black **has logged out  
**Ssnape: **Do I-Do I leave?  
**A Bumblebee: **why not?  
**-Severus Snape **has logged out  
**Ghost: **BOO!  
**A Bumblebee: **I'm older than you. Why? Because I'm Albus Percival Wulfric Brain Effing Dumbledore, bitch.  
**Ghost: **but you're not a ghost. Why? Dunno. JK Rowling never told us, like was promised.  
**A Bumblebee: **K I'm ghost.  
**-Albus Dumbledore **has logged out  
**Ghost: **eff my life. 

A/N: AHY AM I UPDATING SO FREQUENTLY?? WHY AM I NOT A GHOST? WHY AM I WRITING IN CAPS? These are more questions that haunt me. Leave me a review. Also, the deadline's coming up soon. JULY 31 IS THE DEADLINE, PEEEEEEEEPS!

Raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses and sleeping with roaches xD (Panic! At the Disco's Build God Then We'll Talk)  
charah.tastic

p.s: IF WARNER BROTHERS DOESN'T RELEASE THE DAMN TEASER TRAILER OF HBP, I'LL DIE!


	11. The Big Revelation

ALRIGHT.

THIS IS IT.

THE MOMENT OF TRUTH.

Nobody got the country right.

I don't know why.

I thought it would have been obvious.

Well, no; not really.

I'm just being mean.

I seem to be building up tension.

Buahaha.

I feel Voldemort-Like.

ALRIGHT!

cowers in corner as readers approach in angry mob

So _Where in the World is charah.tastic_?

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Egypt.:)


	12. Mrs Crabbe and Mrs Goyle: God's Mistakes

A/N: heyy readers whom i adore. I'm in Egpyt now, and it's going gert. I've been to the Pyramids, the Museum, Ciaro, Alexandria, Sharm El Sheikh and Sinai. Allow me to say that i got this REALLY wierd tan that resulted in my resemblance to Sailor Moon xD. Sorry I haven't updating in that time, you really must understand that this internet is so fobby it hurts. Anyways, if you're interested (and don't bother yourself if you don't want to, I won't know, anyway xD), I'm gonna be posting my whereabouts on my forums...so yeah. anyways, I wont write another novel like AN xD

ps: if anyone wants to start a petition against the postponing of Half Blood Prince with me, let me know, and we can make it official.

pps: i have msn back, feel free to send me a PM or add me at

I'm Lost in a World That's Not My Own, I've Never Felt so Afraid, I've Never Felt so Alone

**Gryffer99:** Ugh, I know. Nothing's grosser than Pansy Parkinson's robes at the Yule Ball. I think my eyes puked.  
**Rider03: **Oh yes there is, Harry. Just picture what Crabbe or Goyle's wives are gonna look like.  
**Reader75: **Ronald, _please!_ I just ate!

**Gryffer99:** LOL!  
**-Ginny Weasley **has logged on as **Oranger89.**

**Rider03: **Oh, 'Mione, you're horrible.  
**Oranger89: **Which is why you love her.  
**Reader75: **Ginny! Why did you have to make everything awkward? We were discussing the mysterious matter of -if possible, actually- Mrs Crabbe and Mrs Goyle.

**Gryffer99: **I imagine them with facial hair.

**Oragner89: **_A LOT _of that.

**Rider03: **Which they shave every morning  
**Reader75: **With lawn mowers.  
**-Vincent Crabbe** has logged on as **Shorter2**

**Gryffer99: **Speak of the devil D  
**Rider03: **It's….it's….wait, Harry, which one's Crabbe? I always get confused.  
**Oranger89: ** Well, Ron, Crabbe isn't the shorter one, so that rules it out.

**-Dobby **has logged on as **Freeer41**

**Shorter2: **Duh…I'm Crabbe. Wait a sec whiles I goes and gets Goyle, Gryffindorks.  
**Oranger89: **I know it's not just me….he speaks like a House Elf!  
**Freeer41: **Miss will please not insult the House Elves.  
**Reader75: **In any case, Gin, House Elves have much better grammatical skills :D  
**Shorter2: **I's back. And I gots Goyle with me.  
**Rider03: **really? I didn't see him log on.  
**Shorter2: ** good point, Gryffindork.  
**Gryffer99: **I scoff at your stupidity. Because I'm Harry Potter(H)  
**-Gregory Goyle **has logged on as **Stronger1  
Shorter2: **Oi, Goyle, Them Gryffindorks is insulting us.  
**Stronger1: **What d'we do?  
**Shorter2: **Well, I 'unno. WWDD?  
**Stronger1: **Let's ask him.  
**Reader75: **this is painful to watch.  
**Socker41: **Dobby can feel his brains turn into mush.  
**-Severus Snape **has logged on as **Master27  
Oranger89: **It burns my eyes.  
**Master27: **_Miss _Weasley, my mere presence demands utmost respect. I will not have this nonsense of my being hot enough to burn you.  
**Oranger89: **Ah..professor, Allow me to just clarify one teensy little concept. You are _not_ hot enough to burn me, and never repeat that again. Trust me; nobody wants to hear it. Secondly, it's not you that burns. Though, now that you mention it, you're sort of like gasoline to the flame, aren't you? I mean, what with your hair….  
**Master39: **Is there a single time that I logged on to this imbecilic _Wizards' Live Messenger _in which nobody insulted the rather HEALTHY state of my hair?

**Gryffer99:** don't think so.  
**Rider03: **and we're not making any promises.  
**Reader75: **nor are we breaking any records.  
**Socker41: **Dobby must not speak! Bad, bad Dobby!

**Stronger1: **Then why would you says anything?

**Stronger2: **For Draco's elf, you sure are stupid.  
**Gryffer99: **No, idiots. It means that he knows something about Snape that he's not allowed to tell.  
**Reader75: **Well, Dobby, don't keep it in, little friend. You're a free elf, remember? Too much of something is never a good thing. Take Snape, for example. Too much health for his hair earned him many nicknames. None of which are appropriate enough for WLM.  
**Master39: **BLAST…Miss Granger, you buck toothed little know-it-all, don't encourage the little primate. One percent from your potions grade. One more word out of you, and I'll make it five.  
**Reader75: **whimper… But I worked really hard on that! It took me almost two days! You _have _to give me an 'O'!  
**-Serra Potter **has logged on as **Soccer2112**

**Rider03: **COUGH**DORK**COUGH

**Gryffer99: **COUGH**GET**COUGH**LAID**COUGH  
**Rider03:** COUGH**I**COUGH**VOLUNTEER**COUGH**ANYWAYS**COUGH**HERMIONE**COUGH**YOU'RE**COUGH**TOO**COUGH**DORKY**COUGH**FOR**COUGH**YOUR**COUGH**OWN**COUGH**GOOD**COUGH  
**Gryffer99: **COUGH**YOUANNOYTHEHORCRUXOUTOFME**COUGH  
**Soccer2112: **COUGH**HEY**COUGH**GUYS**COUGH**SNEEZE**COUGH**WHAT'S**COUGH**GOOD**COUGH?  
**Socker41: **why are young masters coughing and sneezing?  
**Oranger89: **Oh, Dobby, the only cure for them is a secret told by a free house elf whose name starts with the letter 'D'.  
**Stronger1: **or yous can just leave 'em here to die. Both ways work.  
**Socker41: **Wel… if it's for the good of master Harry Potter…  
**Gryffer99: **yes it is. I'll die a painful and anguished death. COUGH  
**Rider03: **and he'll COUGH never defeat Voldemort.  
**Reader75: **We'd all live in terror!  
**Oranger89:** and Igloos.  
**Master27: **Next one to talk gets detention with me for one month.  
**Soccer2112: **And Winky will marry the _other_ elf. When do we start, _Snipe?  
_**Socker41: **NOOOOOOOOOO!

**Master27: **OH NO! NOT YOU! I _HATE_ DETENTION WITH YOU! IT'S TORTURE!  
**Soccer2112: **So no detention? Whatever keeps your hair shiny. ANYWAYS, Dobby, what's your answer?  
**-Albus Dumbledore **has logged on as **MainMaster11**  
**Socker41: **In the summer, Master Snape sucks on his hair for sustenance.  
**MainMaster11:** Oh no _way!_  
**Gryffer99: **GROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
**Rider03: **…yum?  
**Reader75: **I knew there has to be something like that. I mean…it's Snape. You know?  
**Stronger1: **Runs in the family?  
**Shorter2: **Family recipe?  
**Socker41: **Dobby is pleased to please Harry Potter.  
**Reader75: **you've done beautifully, Dobby!  
**Oranger89: **that was seriously juicy gossip.  
**Soccer2112: **you mean oily xD  
**Master27: **I hope you all drown in sweat and blood.  
**Gryffer99: **I hope you run into Mr Clean one day.

**MainMaster11: **now now, Harry, there's no need to go overboard with death wishes. Speaking of death wishes, has anyone noticed that the Albus Dumbledore portrayed to the Muggle world has only one pair of robes? I would have liked to see those 'magnificent midnight-blue robes with stars'. He just wears the same pair of gray robes. Pish Posh.  
**Oranger89: **sir…you're too random. Leave here.  
**Rider03: **And never come back.  
**MainMaster11: **Very well then. As you wish, my children. Though allow me to remind you that Miss Granger's report lies in my very hands.  
**Reader75: **Oh, sir, ignore them. It's just a Weasley thing. I _want _you to stay. In fact, I wanted your opinion on something. What do you think Crabbe and Goyle's wives are going to look like.  
**Master27: **MISS GRANGER! HOW _DARE _YOU PUT SUCH PROFANITIES IN MY MIND?! TWO PERCENT FROM YOUR MARK!  
**MainMaster11: **I quite agree, Hermione. I am willing to bet a million lemon sherberts that the sparkle in my eye just went dull with the mere thought of such hideousness. I must ask you never to bring up the subject of the two women that are God's mistakes. (See A/N)  
**Master27: **I am too disgusted at the moment. I _refuse _to co-exist with such obscenities. I am going to go create a de-uglifying potion. Excuse me.  
**-Severus Snape **has logged out.  
**MainMaster11: **Well, we all know he's going to suck on his hair. I'm going to get a lick, see what it tastes like. Dobby, might I ask you to come with me, should I desire to create Severus Sherberts?  
**Socker41: **repulsively.  
-**Albus Dumbledore** has logged out.

**Soccer2112: **Hey, Dobbster, how'd you get on here, anyways?  
**Socker41: **Dobby is a free elf, Miss.  
**Rider03: **yeah, but this is _Wizards' _Live Messenger.

**Socker41: **Ask no questions, sir, and Dobby says no lies. :)  
**-Dobby** has logged out.  
**Soccer2112: **there's something wrong with that elf. Ehm. Anyways. Hey, Crabbe and Goyle, you guys still here?  
**Shorter2: **duh.  
**Stronger1: **yah.  
**Soccer2112: **hm. Kay. Well… where's Malfoy?  
**Shorter2: **mirror.  
**Soccer2112: **I see. Um..tell him, from me, that I say pinprick.  
**Stronger1: **he says duelburger  
**Soccer2112: **k. tell him I say cheyatard.  
**Shorter2: **he says iWin.  
**Soccer2112: **Ginny, Hermione, trophy room in 1.  
**Oranger89: **hell to the eff yes.  
**Reader75: **oh, Serra, no... don't!

**-Serra Potter **has logged out.  
-**Hermione Granger **has logged out.  
-**Ginny Weasley **has logged out.  
**Gryffer99: **excuse me, but do Serra and Malfoy have their own language?  
**Rider03: **I wonder what a duel burger tastes like?  
**Gryffer99: **I dunno..but it sounds like it's make with Snape's oil.  
**Rider03: **He could open a factory and get rich!  
**Gryffer99: **Ron, you're making my mind whirl with ideas.  
**Rider03: **shall we execute one of them?  
**Gryffer99: **Shall we execute….well, I got nothing. Let's just leave.  
**Rider03: **aw, mate, you ruined the _Grand Exit_.  
**-Ron Weasley **has logged out,  
**-Harry Effing Potter **has logged out.  
**-Vincent Crabbe **has been set to **idle.  
**-**Gregory Goyle **has been set to **idle**.

**Ghost: **These wives of Grabbe and Coyle are seriously starting to sound like Osama Bin Laden… don't know if that's just me….but yeah. OR MYRTLE! MUAHAHA! 

**A/N: **Yeah. I don't mean to offend anyone about that 'God's Mistake' thing. Yeah. So…yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Yay! xD sorry….I JUST GOT MY TEETH WHITENED. YAY! Happy birthday, woman. Aka, mama xD. Also, Happy Ramadan to all my Muslim readers… and if it's your birthday, let me know, and I'll be more than happy to shout it out and let the world know! xD anyways, if there's a topic you want me to write about, let me know, and I'll see what I can do0o0o. IN THE MEANTIME,

Leave me a review, and I'll get back to you!  
charah.tastic ;D


	13. Hey There Harry, Here's to You

A/N: MY fanfiction

A/N: MY 's not working (U). I'm not receiving any emails when I get a review. Not that is matters, though, seeing as I only got 2 reviews.URGH! Thanks to NickJonasFangirl for the review and YuzukiHanako for the wonderful idea. This one's for you .! Also, I'm still serious about starting a petition... feel free to email me or add me at charah.tastic at hotmail dot com plus, for those quote freaks, YOUKNOWWHOYOUARE, the quotes I'm using to end my notes and kick off my story are excerpts from my poetry .

Ps.: guys, please review...I'm here alone with no friends and nothing to cheer me up. Reviewing can seriously do wonders (A) 

Disclaimer: I'm watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets on the fobbiest of all Arabic channels (MBC3). If I wrote them, I'd be watching deathly hallows in theatres right now XD. Also, I wish I was a Plain White T. I'm just a Plain White Girl. XD

IT hurts to know that there will be no more late night calls, and no more giggling from connected bathroom stalls  
.

-**Sirius Black **has logged on as **SiriuslySexy**

**CanivinglyCocky: **EW…  
**SiriuslySexy: **Excuse me, but who dares to 'ew' my seductive presence?  
**CanivinglyCocky: **It is I.  
**SiriuslySexy: **Who's I?  
**CanivinglyCocky: **I, man!  
**SiriuslySexy: **iMan?  
**ColourMeHappy: **iPod! :D  
**Temptress: **It's Malfoy, Sirius. He's the _Canivingly _Cocky one.  
**CanivinglyCocky: **Go to Hell, Mudblood.  
**SiriuslySexy: **Ah, Malfoy. Tell me; did your old man ever get around to NOT BEING A TOTAL PANSY?  
**ColourMeHappy: **Oh, yes. He's now a fully bloomed rose.  
**Temptress: **uh, guys? Did you notice that Malfoy called me a Mudblood?  
**SiriuslySexy: **he did? Huh.  
**ColourMeHappy: **My eyes sort of skimmed over that, actually. One sort of gets used to it after the MOM publishes brochures entitled _MUDBLOODS.  
_**SiriuslySexy: **and in any case, wasn't it established that you were proud of being a Mudblood?  
**CanivinglyCocky: **Drama queeeeeeen.  
**Temptress: **Alright, alright! I mean, it's Malfoy. I just saw it as an opportunity to gang up on him. 

**Lord Voldemort **has logged on as **VoldePotter  
**

**ColourMeHappy: **I'm not going to ask.  
**VoldePotter: **Ah, Serra! 'Tis a delight, as always, to see you. How are you on this glorious afternoon? :)

**Temptress: **Sirius, what day is it?  
**SiriuslySexy: **why, it's good old St Valentine's Day, Hermione!  
**Temptress: **hmm…I thought so.

-**Fred Weasley **has logged on as **The Unexplainable  
**

**-George Weasley **has logged on as **The Unpredictable**

**-Ron Weasley **has logged on as **The One  
**

**-Ginny Weasley **has logged on as **The Only**

CanivinglyCocky: DRACO MALFOY! YAYYYY!

**The Unexplainable: **NO NO NO NO _NO_!

**The Unpredictable: **where the hell is Harry?  
**The One: **That stupid git  
**The Only: ** We had this planned out for AGES!  
**VoldePotter: **Well, if it helps, you did make a grand entrance :)

**The Unexplainable: **Sigh. You're right, You-Who-Are-He.

**The Unpredictable: **Nice name, by the way. Quite the something.  
**ColourMeHappy: **Methinks some Death Eaters have some explaining to do.  
**VoldePotter: **Why, whatever do you mean, my child?  
**ColourMeHappy: **guysssssss, Voldemort called me his childddd! What do I doooo?  
**CanivinglyCocky: **call him your father.  
**SiriuslySexy: **uh, no. My woman does NOT look like a melting candle, thanks.  
**VoldePotter: **Hahahaha! My word, Sirius, you _are_ quite the joker! It's a shame the same cannot be said about dear old Regulus. You know, I found Severus to be much more amusing than him. At least Severus is rather sarcastic. Regulus was just…blah. You know? Ah well. It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.

**Temptress: **you just quoted Dumbledore…

**VoldePotter: **I did? Love can do quite strange things to someone, don't you agree?  
**The Only: **yeah, look what it did to your mom.  
**The One: **it did YOU!

**The Unexplainable: **where the hell is HARRY?! WHY ISN'T HE HERE FOR THIS?!  
**The Unpredictable: **Maybe he's dead?  
**CanivinglyCocky: **Now, now, Weasley. Let's not get our hopes up.  
**VoldePotter: **what a _horrible _thing to say! You ought to be ashamed of yourself.  
**The Only: **Anyways, he's probably out doing something important.  
**VoldePotter: **then he's certainly not doing you.  
**CanivinglyCocky: **LOOOOOL!

**The Only: **he wants to _MARRY_ me. He wants you _DEAD_!  
**VoldePotter: **ah, but Harry is into his own gender. He's gay. So he may be engaged, but he thinks you're a man.  
**CanivinglyCocky: **AND WHATTTTTTT!

**Temptress: **Malfoy, don't you have some toilets to drown yourself in or crap to eat or something of the like? 

­**-Harry Potter **has logged on as **CoolioMcAwesome**

-**Toola Prongs **has logged on as **Muggle.Witch**

**CoolioMcAwesome:** how late am I?

**The Unexplainable: **Late enough.  
**The Unpredictable: **Lets put it this way: I want to stick you in a blender and serve you to the Slytherins.  
**Muggle.Witch: **Put some chocolate in that concoction and I would totally drink it.

**ColourMeHappy: **if I gave you poop and told you it was chocolate, would you eat it?  
**Muggle.Witch: **Hell yes.  
**ColourMeHappy: **huh. Crazy Muggles.

**The One: **Slimy Git. What could possibly be more important than whatever the hell this is?  
**The Only: **you fully wasted our seconds of planning. What kept you?

**CoolioMcAwesome: **I'm seriously sorry, guys. Someone sent me a forest.  
**VoldePotter: **SQUEAL! You got the flowers I sent you, sugar?  
**CanivinglyCocky: **Why would a bouquet keep you from logging on, salt?  
**ColourMeHappy: **Malfoy, take one second to think about not being a diseased monkey's feces.

**Temptress: **have you noticed that people say eat poop, but not drink pee? I mean think about it. In Spanish, it's Comme Mierda.

**Muggle.Witch: **in Kuwaity, it's Kol Zag.  
**The One: **My Own, you're not on cheap crack, by any chance, are you? Or have diarrhea?

**VoldePotter: **May I please have everyone's attention?

**CoolioMcAwesome: **'EY! WHAT'S WITH THE NAME?! I _REFUSE_ TO HAVE MY NAME DRAGGED IN THE MUD BY BEING MIXED WITH YOURS! IT REPULSES ME!

**VoldePotter: **That hurt deep, Harry, dear. But I understand. Now, as I was saying: this morning, I was listening to the Muggle radio, when this song came on by the name of _Hey There Delilah _by my newly appointed favourite singers: _The Plain White T's_.  
**ColourMeHappy: **Oh man, I LOVE that song!  
**Muggle.Witch: **oh man, this is gonna be good.

**The Unexplainable: **OMG! Shut up -.-;

**VoldePotter: **thanks. Anyways, it was such a beautiful song that I had to write my own remix to it for Harry. Here it is: (a/n: Readers, trust me when I say that this will be much better if you listen to Hey There Delilah and sing along with these lyrics. Just a pointer ;)

**Hey there Harry, what's it like at Hogwarts?**

**We are sworn enemies, but of my soul, you own all 7 parts.  
Oh yes you have…  
You are one very handsome chav…  
You know you are…**

Hey there Harry, I'm sorry about your mom and dad,  
if there was any way for me to kill you without hurting them, that would've been really rad.  
Lower your wand…

**Let's not forget that I can control you through our bond…**

**Of you: I've grown rather fond…**

**0o0oh, it's when we duel to kill,**

**0o0oh, your eyes give my heart a thrill.**

**0o0oh, it's when you shed your tears,**

**0o0oh, I regret being the source of all your fears.**

**I regret my 60 years.**

**Hey there Harry, I'm aware of your relationship with Ginny,**

**But give us a chance; beside's, I'm much more skinny.  
Oh Harry, can't you see?**

**You make me feel so horny.  
Hehehe…**

**Hey there Harry, I want to tell you so much more,**

**I want to buy you chocolates- wait, what the hell, I sound like Dumbledore,**

**That old manwhore…**

**On his life: I shut the door.  
Well, it was Snape, but he's still on the Shrieking Shack floor.**

**0o0oh, it's when we duel to kill,**

**0o0oh, your eyes give my heart a thrill.**

**0o0oh, it's when you shed your tears,**

**0o0oh, I regret being the source of all your fears.**

**Harry, please consider this**

**We don't ever have to kiss**

**You know you put me in sheer bliss**

**My Death Eaters will make fun of me,**

**But to scare them, I'll kill Avery**

**And we all no Bellatrix needs to get laid.**

**Harry, as for killing you,**

**I'll have to see what I can do**

**But my rep will never ever be the SAAAAAAAAAAME**

**They'll think I've gone insaaaaaaane!**

**Hey there Harrry, you behave and you come with me**

**I promise not to feed you to Nagini**

**And I'll even spare Hermione**

**All for you…**

**You're all I ever want to do…**

**Alright, Narcissa too…**

**Hey there Harry, Here's to you**

**I love you…**

**0o0oh, it's when you say my name**

**0o0oh, you drive my heart insane.**

**0o0oh, it's when I see you smile**

**0o0oh, you make me human for a while**

**I wish I wasn't vile…**

**Harryyyyyy**

**Haarryyyyy**

**Haaaaaaaarry**

**Harry**

**Haaaaaarry**

**Haaarryy**

**Harry.**

5 minute's shocked silence

**Muggle.Witch: **HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

**The Unexplainable: **That was bloody beautiful.

**The Unpredictable: **That was ruddy romantic.

**CoolioMcAwesome: **what the hell _was_ that?!

**Temptress: **Why, Harry, it's an ode to you!

**SiriuslySexy: **You'll have to wait for my opinion; I'm not quite done dying of laughter, you see.

**The One: **that was better than the time I was all drugged up on Romilda Vane's love potion.

**The Only: **well, I guess that gives us a clear image of what you think of Hermione.

**CanivinglyCocky: **Clearly the Mudblood isn't giving any, if Weasley prefers to do a girl who'd do a famous guy for a galleon. I'm sure she'd pay to do you, Weasley. You're such a prick of a git that you're famous for it!

**VoldePotter: **nobody likes my song? :( That took Lucius and I an hour to write! Do you know what I could have done in one hour?

**Muggle.Witch: **Malfoy's mom?

**VoldePotter: **Nah, that's like one second. Every Death Eater's done that. I like you, Toola Prongs. You're an evil one. :D

**The Unexplainable: **Who are you, Toola Prongs?  
**Muggle.Witch: **I am the white chocolate rabbit.  
**CoolioMcAwesome: **fascinating. I'm Harry freaking Potter.  
**Muggle.Witch: **whoopty freaking doo.

**SiriuslySexy: **hey, where's Serra? She dies for such fads as Voldemort on drugs.

**ColourMeHappy: **oh I'm here. Just working on my own little remix.

**CoolioMcAwesome: **oh my God. I just realized.

**The Only: **what, MY DEAR SWEET FIANCEE?

**CoolioMcAwesome: **Voldemort is in love with me o.O

**The Unpredictable: **Welcome to the fabulous world of AWARENESS.

**CanivinglyCocky: **in my own _very_ wise words: if you were any slower, you'd be going backwards.

**ColourMeHappy: **k. it's my turn.

**Hey There Voldie, you're clearly all drugged up on love potion**

**Seeing as you're not really human, you shouldn't feel this emotion**

**But I seriously don't mind**

**This experience is one of a kind**

**I want a potato rind…**

.

**CanivinglyCocky: **

**Hey there Dark Lord, what's it like being in love with Potter?**

**I still don't see why it was him; I'm clearly way, way hotter.**

**Open your eyes**

**That boy will bring you your demise**

**Take it from me; I'm really wise.**

**Temptress: **

**0o0oh, there's not a person in the world**

**0o0oh, who can put up with you, you turd**

**0o0oh, I want to run you over with my car,**

**0o0oh, I want to see your head fly very far**

**I hope you get shot at a bar.**

**The Unexplainable: **

**Hey there Mouldy, can you really control Harry?**

**If so, then why don't you make him do something that will result in another song by Katy Perry?  
Oh really Voldemort, you must.**

**Imagine the pleasure and the lust.**

**Don't you wan't someone with a bust?**

**The Only:**

**Hey there Voldemort, yeah, Harry and I are getting married,**

**so stick it in a juicebox and suck it; away you've gotten carried.**

**Oh, fatass, can't you see?**

**I am much, much more pretty.**

**Plus, I'm curvy…**

**SiriuslySexy: **

**0o0oh, Harry wants you dead**

**0o0oh, get that in your head.**

**0o0oh, my mum's portrait's available**

**0o0oh, but please note that she's nonreturnable.**

**CoolioMcAwesome:**

**Voldemort, are you on cheap crack?**

**Did you get it from Mrs Black?**

**It's probably from Narcissa's rack.**

**And if you want to scare them all,**

**Just AK yourself, jump off a bridge and fall.**

**Voldemort, I'm happy with my fiancee,**

**Now go eat a 5 tubs of ice cream in one day**

**After I am through with you, the world will never be the SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME,**

**And I'l take all the BLAAAAAAAAAAAME.**

**Muggle.Witch:**

**Hey there Voldie, it's alright, I'm still a fan of yours,**

**As long as you have chocolate, I'll tell you all the secrets of Dumbledore's.**

**Oh my God, what the hell was that?**

**Oh thank God, it's just my bat**

**Dammit, look what I said**

**Too lazy to erase; I'm still in bed.**

**And my room is coloured Gryffindor red….**

**VoldePotter: **GAH

**TheOne: **why didn't I get a turn? :(

**TheUnpredictable: **your rhyming is worse than percy singing.

**ColourMeHappy: **we did a fine old job :D

**Temptress: **do you think he got the message?

**VoldePotter: **SOB…..i got the message. I'll leave you alone now, Harry. I'll just get back to plotting your brutal death.

**CoolioMcAwesome: **lovely.

**TheUnexplainable: **is this goodbye?

**CanivinglyCocky: **HA!

**Muggle.Witch: **do we leave? Chocolate break..? xD

**SiriuslySexy: **but I don't wanna leave, Toola….take it back, or I won't be your friend :(

**Muggle.Witch: **shut it, Sirius. Or I'll set the chocolate vampire after you. Now LEAVE.

**SiriuslySexy: **AH

**-Sirius Black **has logged out.

**VoldePotter: **this is not a joke! This is SERIOUS!

**ColourMeHappy: **this is Sparta!

**Temptress: **Guys, I think Serra's got drunk fingers again.

**TheUnpredictable: **that sounds temptingg.

**CanivinglyCocky: **DUDE I AM SO THERE/

**-Draco Malfoy **has logged out.

**-George Weasley **has logged out.

**ColourMeHappy: **right. Anyways, Voldemort, I bought you privacy, so you totally owe me. I'd go to your Gringott's vault…OH, WAIT. YOU'RE VAULTLESS. THERE'S NOT A KUNT TO YOUR NAME. Silly me!(A)

**-Serra Potter **has logged out.

**VoldePotter: **she is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. She makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a toothbrush, then give myself a swirly, and finally burn to ashes in the pits of a sauna.

**Muggle.Witch: **so, basically, she makes you want to kill yourself?

**VoldePotter: **pretty much, yeah.

**Muggle.Witch: **huh. Interesting. That's good reference, btw, Harry.

**VoldePotter: **ARGH! I HATE YOU, YOUR WORTHLESS MUGGLE JUNK!

**Muggle.Witch: **you're not the first one. Well, actually, you are.

**VoldePotter: **k. die. That's it. Harry, see you when I do, but die.

**-Lord Voldemort **has logged out.

**Temptress: **you're a gifted little muggle, aren't you?

**Muggle.Witch: **you're a buck toothed witch, aren't you?

**-Hermione Granger **has logged out.

**TheOne: **You're horrible to her.

**Muggle.Witch: **you know who _isn't _horrible to her?

**TheOne: **who?

**Muggle.Witch: **Vikky.

**-Ron Weasley **has logged out.

**TheUnexplainable: **you're on a roll.

**Muggle.Witch: **I try (A). so how's it going with Angelina?

**TheUnexplainable: **YOU'RE A STALKER! OH MY GOD! OH MY FIZZING WHIZBEE!

**-Fred Weasley **has logged out.

**Muggle.Witch: **so Ginny. You pms 24/7. Don't you have any chocolate?

**TheOnly: **uh, no. that's prof. Lupin you want. Him and his Honeydukes..

**Muggle.Witch: **huh. Can you take me to Honeydukes? I'll take you shopping for Muggle clothes… actually, Charah will, because I'm too lazy, and I only wear navy blue. Or brown. Chocolate…

**TheOnly: **k..you're freaking me out. Tell this _Charah_ character that I accept her proposal to go shopping. She can contact me throgh you. K? Harry. Umm..well, theres no more broom closet…

**CoolioMcAwesome: **HA. No _problem, _Gin. Dursleys don't know the war is over. Their place is as empty as Toola's heart.

**TheOnly: **wow…that's empty…

**-Harry Potter **has logged out.

**-Ginny Weasley **has logged out.

**Muggle.Witch: **

Hey there Toola…what's it like without chocolate bars?

Would exchange it all for expensive cars….

**-Toola Prongs **has logged out.

**-Ghost: **NO! I WANTED TO SEE HER KICK ME OUT#&#&

a/n: HA. I'M HUNGRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

review review review review


	14. Blonde Tornadoes

A/N: I'm dead to you, aren't I? xD. So i was speaking to KazukoMio, and we both realized that we're both at least one grade ahead. Our conclusion? Reading and reviewing fanfiction makes you smarter in school. Especially Harry Potter fanfiction, though Twilight works too! There are SO many people in my school, and I'm the only non-Egyptian, and Harry Potter fan. UGH. So I hung up a Harry Potter poster in the English department, and dug up the Harry Potter books in the library and sprawled them haphazardly on the tables xD

Anyways, here's a long-awaited WLM chapter =]

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, I wouldn't be the only fan in my school ;D

**-James Potter **has logged on as **PP**

**PB: **PRONGS! MATE! HI!

**PP: **..hi Padfoot.

**JapaneseKoala: **Daddy, save us. We're so BORED.

**DragonFire: **yeah, not even Little Miss Sunshine over here can cheer us up.

**ScaryHarrry: **we're not sad, moron, we're bored.

**PB: **hear, hear.

**ScaryHarry: **it's times like these I hate Hogwarts.

**PP: **why would you hate Hogwarts?

**ScaryHarry: **smushed Fred.

**JapaneseKoala: **when you say that, I sometimes wish Expelliarmus wasn't your ultimate spell and you actually died for once.

**PP: **Oi! Don't talk to your brother like that!

**JapaneseKoala:** Why? It's not like you can punish me for it.

**PP: **True, but Padfoot can! Padfoot, can you punish my daughter? ^.^

**PB: **heheh... melikes the way that sounds.. ;D

**DragonFire: **I'll punish her!

**PP: **this is a FAMILY affair. You are not family. Therefore, get your ghostly white ass out of this.

**PB: **well, as he is my second cousin, he's sorta family. Oh well. Every family has their black sheep! Actually, in this case, I'm one of the only 4 white sheep in the whole Black family. Andromeda, Tonks, that Uncle of mine who gave me 67279387 galleons, and me of course.

**ScaryHarry: **nobody cares :)

**-Bellatrix Lestrange **has logged on as **DarkMistress**

**ScaryHarry: **entertain us!

**JapaneseKoala: **Voldemort would TOTALLY want you to.

**PB: **This could be your big break! No more stripper poles for you! Isn't that tempting?

**DarkMistress: **what tempts me is my shoe up your nose. Ugh, I'm so BORED.

**DragonFire: **don't you have something to do at the manor?

**DarkMatron: **we sorta lost our sense of humour after the Dark Lord recovered from the whole love potion thing. It was worth it, though! And i still catch him singing that stupid _Hey There Delilah _song every now and then.

**PB: **i'd love to hear him sing!

**-Hermione Granger **has logged on as **Microhard**

**-Ginny Weasley **has logged on as **DesertRose**

**JapaneseKoala: **Oh, thank Edward. Guys, we're bored.

**Microhard: **so are we.

**DesertRose: **Depressingly.

**PB: **so who's Edward?

**JapaneseKoala: **if I answer that, you'd be so confused it hurts.

**DragonFire: **we're bored enough as it is... give us a shot.

**JapaneseKoala: **okay... It's Cedric Diggory existing in a regular North American suburbia, with no British accent and a Muggle gf who sounds like a man. The catch? He's a Vampire.

**ScaryHarry: **My mind's too bored to process that.

**DarkMatron: **_fascinating_. I'm so BORED! Kill me!

**DesertRose: **Don't worry! Mum will, soon enough =D.

**-Daniel Radcliffe **has logged on as **PotterStar**

*****_**: **_HEY! DANIEL! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE?!

**PotterStar: **being hot (H).

**ScaryHarry: **hey! Isn't Daniel Radcliffe the bloke who exposes me to the Muggle world?

***:**yes, he is. How'd you know?

**ScaryHarry: **because I'm scary Harry (H).

**Microhard: **who are you, anyways?

***: **I am the owner, creator and publisher of WLM. You're not supposed to know me, but _someone _doesn't belong here.

**PB:** and J.

**JapaneseKoala: **That was so freaking helpful, Sirius.

**DarkMatron: **will the Black family _ever_ be normal?

**DragonFire: **I wouldn't count on it.

**DesertRose: **basically, you're a stalker.

**Microhard: **_wicked._

**PotterStar: **well _hello_ Miss Weasley

**DesertRose: **EW! THE MUGGLE IS FLIRTING WITH ME! WHAT DO I DO? _WHAT DO I DO?!_

**PP**: shh, shh, young daughter in law. It's alright. It won't hurt you.

**DragonFire: **so...uh...where's Tom Felton? I hear he's quite the chav.

**PotterStar: **pickin' up babes at some bar. The usual.

**PB: **this _Tom_ character appeals to me.

**DarkMatron: **GAH! Dark LORD! G2G2G2G2G2G2G2!!!!!

**-Bellatrix Lestrange **has logged out.

**PotterStar: **aww :(...I didn't even get the chance to pick on her... (U).

**PP: **it's all good. We'll send her to work at some dinghy Starbucks. You can pester her there 

**PotterStar: **HEY DAD!

**ScaryHarry: **HEY! I don't know who you think you are, Mr I'm a Hollywood star who's making more money than people with real jobs, not some Broadway porno people are only watching because you play me, but go screw your white horse.

**_*__: _**Harry, in the Muggle world, we have this thing called anger management. Would you be interested? Or would you like to try therapy?

**Microhard: **and there's my personal favourite: the asylum! ^.^

***_: _**right. Radcliffe, you're gone. Buh-Bye.

**PotterStar: **why?!

**-Brittany Penger **has logged on as **Britadcliffe.**

**-Kayla Marshons **has logged on as **DoMeDaniel**

**-Jennifer Greelet **has logged on as **MRSDR**

**-Austin Noble **has logged on as **Gay&Rad**

*****: because of that.

**ScaryHarry: **wtf? How come HE gets fangirls? I'M the real Harry Potter!

**DragonFire: **did anyone notice that the last fangirl was a guy!?

**JapaneseKoala: **oh, _come on_. Radcliffe's not _that_ hot.

**DesertRose: **ugh, gross.

**Britadcliffe: **EW! IT'S GINNY! DIE, YOU FAT UGLY HORSE, DIE!

**DesertRose: **I am a witch.

**DoMeDaniel: **you're a bitch.

***_: _**YO FANGIRL! We don't swear in here.

**PB: **...uh...yeah we do. Like, 24/7.

**Microhard: **yeah, but we can do whatever we desire. We're wizards :).

**PotterStar: **but I'm Daniel Radcliffe! I was _naked_ on Broadway! Don't I deserve something?

**MRSDR: **I'll give you whatever you want, baby.

**DragonFire: **this is disgusting. Where are Tom's fans?

**Gay&Rad: **EWWWWWW! Tom's got like, THE biggest acne problem ever. His zits have their own zip code. There are life forms on him deformations. Acne treatment companies are trying to get him to sign contracts for him to use their products.

**DesertRose: **HAAAAAAAA! Lol.

**JapaneseKoala: **I was this close to saying poor Malfoy, but then I realized that it was _Malfoy_!

**DragonFire: **but he always looks so clear and handsome in the movies. Is he a wizard?

**Brtiadcliffe: **_no,_ silly! It's all make up! Tommy uses more makeup than a bride on her wedding day!

**ScaryHarry: **HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**PP: **sounds exactly like young Malfoy here.

**JapaneseKoala: **yup. Fake beauty.

**DragonFire: **Beauty is a _gift_.

**JapaneseKoala**: a gift you haven't been given.

**Microhard: **YOU JUST CALLED MALFOY BEAUTIFUL!

**PB: **eww! You're in love with Malfoy! Serra and Malfoy sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

**DoMeDaniel: **does this make the way clear to Sirius? =]

**Gay&Rad: **yes! One fangirl down, 398740198098189725908 to go! Though, none are as worthy of Daniel as I am.

**PotterStar: **ugh, Serra, darling, I'm afraid that won't work. My sister can't be in love with my enemy. It's just not right, see.

**ScaryHarry: **she's not _your_ sister, idiot. She's mine, and she's not in love with Malfoy. Besides, the epilogue says _Malfoy's wife_. That's it. No name, no description, nothing.

**Britadcliffe: **I thought it was Pansy Parkinson

**PB: **'s disease xD

**DoMeDaniel: **I LOVE YOU DANIEL!

**Gay&Rad: **I am _gay _for you, Daniel. Clearly, I love you more.

**MRSDR:** My love makes everyone else's look like hate! Pick me!

**Britadcliffe: **like, I'm hot, you're cool. We complete each other.

**PotterStar: **whoa, whoa! Since when was I picking someone, Jennifer?

**MRSDR: **LIKE, OMFG! HE TOTALLY JUST SPOKE DIRECTLY TO ME! LIKE, WOW! I'M TOTALLY MYSPACING THIS AS WE SPEAK!

**Microhard: **white girl outlet.

**DoMeDaniel: **omg, just like, die already, Hermione. You're a total frizz.

***_: _**I've had enough of this.

_All 3 girls and 1 guy died, because Harry didn't believe that his representation should have fans. He should. _

**PotterStar: **HEY! You killed my fans, you vile woman!

**DragonFire: **technically, Potter did.

**Microhard: **but wrote it.

**PotterStar: **DOESN'T MATTER! YOU'RE ALL BLOODY MURDERERS! May you all drown in pools of misery and angst.

**PP: **try swimming in a pool other than the airheaded one.

**PotterStar: **enough of this! I have topless women to look at in front of the world! BAH!

**ScaryHarry: **and horses to hug.

_Daniel Radcliffe suddenly went on a rampage and flung his laptop _all_ the way to the _Hannah Montana _set, where it exploded. _^.^

***_: _**there you go! Now you can enjoy good, wholesome discussions without any interruptions :D

**-Candy Siamabaum **has logged on as **Hot4Dan**

**-Melina Loins **has logged on as **MeloPots3**

**-Janice Fitch **has logged on as **JanieHarry**

**-Alexis Stokes **has logged on as **POTTERGIRL**

**DragonFire: **, please kill them all.

**JanieHarry: **OMG WE HEARD DAN WAS IN THIS CHAT ROOM!

**POTTERGIRL**: like, where is he?!

**MeloPots3: **my eyes lost their virginity to him!

**Hot4Dan: **HOW COME DAN ISN'T ON THE LIST?! OMG! HE'S NOT HERE, IS HE?! And, wtf? Why's Hannah Montana cancelled?

**PP: **wow. And here I was, thinking Snivellus was the most pointless birth ever.

**PB: **never thought that theory'd ever turn out to be wrong.

**Microhard: **welcome to the Muggle world, where the only point of existing is reproducing.

**PB: **where do I hand in my resignation from the Wizarding world?

**ScaryHarry: **Sirius, shut up :)

**Hot4Dan: **OMG! IS THAT REALLY HARRY POTTER?! OMFG!

**Microhard: **no, silly girl. There's no such thing as magic.

**JanieHarry: **Aly&AJ think there is.

**MeloPots3: **there was fully a magician at my kid sister's birthday. ."

**Microhard: **you know what? Fine. Whatever. I'm leaving before my mind starts melting and coming out my ears.

**-Hermione Granger **has logged out.

**DesertRose: **what kind of spells did the magician perform?

**MeloPots3: **they don't do spells. It was....amazing. He pulled a rabbit out of a _hat_. Like, how cool is that?!

**DesertRose: **WAIT UP HERMIONE!

**-Ginny Weasley **has logged out.

**DragonFire: **that's not magic, you simple Muggle girl. That's pointless crap.

**JapaneseKoala: **sorta like you, Malfoy =]

**POTTERGIRL: **you're very mean, Serra. Did you know that?

***_: _**I will not have people insulting the object of my passion, understand?

_This chat room has been inaccessible to all Muggles. _

**ScaryHarry: **that was smart.

**PP: **Aren't you a muggle?

***_: _**I am a species of my own. O0o0o0o.

**PB: **I'm scared now:( I'll just leave..

**-Sirius Black **has logged out.

**PP: **like, bigfoot or something like that.

**JapaneseKoala: **do you have any superpowers?

**ScaryHarry: **can you do anything amazing?

**PP: **ARE YOU AN INCREDIBLE?!

**JapaneseKoala: **dad, stop watching muggle kid movies. Kay?

**PP: **NO. Madagascar 2 is coming out and i MUSSSSSSSSST see it, even though i haven't seen half the first one.

**ScaryHarry: **our question wasn't answered. Where's ?

**JapaneseKoala: **dude...maybe she's trapped in a limbo between life and death. Like you?

**ScaryHarry: **oh, no, they have internet there. They have everything there! And this weird bay thing that was actually Voldemort. Reminded me of a mandrake, really.

**PP: **i am way beyond grossed out.

**-James Potter **has logged out.

**JapaneseKoala: **well, i'm most certainly not staying to chat with my brother.

**-Serra Potter **has logged out.

**ScaryHarry: **hey, ghost. I have a question.

**Ghost: **shoot.

**ScaryHarry: **did all that just happen? Was i indirectly ambushed? Did i meet my ultimate stalker who's a species of her own and has no superpowers?

**Ghost: **_whatttttttttttt? _Harry, baby, you need to lay off those WWW products, man. They're no good.

**ScarHarry: **huh. K. Well, thanks, bud!

**-Harry Potter **has logged out.

***_: _**oh man. He's so gullible

**Ghost: **i know. I fail to see why Voldemort didn't just tell Harry he had to kill himself in order to survive. You know he would've done it

***_: _**oh, well. It's all JK's fault, anyways. Peace out!

a/n: hahaha that was so anal. Anyways, I finally updated. Yay! I'm so tired. It's like...8:30 xD PLEASSSE PLEASSE leave me a review. If you don't, i most certainly will not update any time soon. I'm aiming for 25 reviews, please! I must have 100. I MUST! xD it's not hard. Personally, i've reviewed every single story i've ever read. All i had to do was click the 'go' button, write 3 words, and that's it. I can make an author's day by just typing a few words. Make my day too, please? Lol i'm fully begging you xD AND I NEED IDEAS REALLY BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD! BAAA! SHEEP!

Also, in the unlikely event that Daniel Radcliffe or Mily Cyrus read this, I mean no harm whatsoever, just having a little fun. Hell, I watch Hannah Montana when I think nobody's looking xD And Equus is a really meaningful play. I'm just a pessimist xD Furthurmore, I have NOTHING against fangirls. I'd be a total hypocrite if I did. And if someone's named turned out to be Candy Siamabaum, then LOL. Nice to meet you xD AND HOMOSEXUALITY IS A WAY OF LIFE. I AM NOT HOMOPHOBIC IN ANY WAY.

Visist _The Twisted Life of Lily Evans. _I'm helping write that one; it's my VERRRRRRRRRRRY goot amigas' story, and it's unravelling really well!

TACOS, PICKLES, GOATS AND CHUBBY KIDS,

;D


	15. Uber Gourmet Strawberries

A/N: 'Ello again. This chapter is dedicated to AsaeliaJayn, who recently tied the knot with KazukoMio. Congratulations to the happy couple, and, in the wise words of Katy Perry, I kissed a girl and I liked it. Yeah. SUGAR RUSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

P.S: I'm taking heed on Shannahan's request of using the character's real names to avoid confusion. Thanks, bud!

Disclaimer. 'Nuff said.

**Ginny: **Harry, I hate having to do this online.

**Harry: **I know, Gin, but it's the only way! We're not ready for a public relationship.

**Ginny: **Harry, do not _ever_ call me _Gin_ again. Do I look like an alcoholic beverage to you?

**Harry: **D'you really want me to answer that?

**Ginny: **I swear I'll get loud in the Room of Requirement.

**Harry: **But that'll expose us to by passers! ....oh. K. Then I won't call you Gin. But you do get me love drunk. ;D

**Ginny: **ugh, _pathetic._ That was so cheesy, you can feed all of Africa and overcome poverty.

**Harry: **you're so feisty, Gin. How come I don't see that side of you in the Room?

**-Ron Weasley **has logged on.

**Ginny: **because I don't want to show it to you, Harry. It's personal.

**Ron: **show what to Harry?

**Harry: **Ron! Hey! Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

**Ginny: **just this old...

**Harry: **uhh..

**Ron: **What's an uhh?

**Ginny: **that weird thing that Aunt Muriel got me for my 6th birthday.

**Ron: **it's called an uhh? Huh. Weird.

**Harry: **yeah, I've never seen an uhh before, so I wanted Ginny to show it to me.

**Ron: **she still has it? Didn't it die?

**Ginny: **no, it didn't. I actually wanted to ask you to take it for a walk.

**Ron: **do it yourself.

_*Ginny whispers to Ron that if he doesn't, she'll tell Harry about Ron's guilty pleasure._

**Ron: **looks like I've got an uhh to walk :)

**-Ron Weasley **has logged out.

**Harry: **How'd you do that?

**Ginny: **empty threat. F&G taught me.

**Harry: **love those guys. Now, where were we?

**Ginny: **I believe I was showing you something private?

**-Hermione Granger **has logged on.

**Harry: ***drool*

**Hermione: **why are you drooling, Harry?

**Ginny: **cuz we're getting it on.

**Hermione: **suuuuuuuure you are, Ginny :).

**Harry: **Ginny's very silly like that.

**Ginny: **^o)...yeah. I am. Anyways, he was just eating something, and it was the only way he could describe how good it was to me.

**Hermione: ** well don't hold it in! What is it?!

**Harry: **a jar of pickled contents of a fridge. Like watermelon and stuff.

**Hermione: **really? It's good?

**Ginny: **oh _yeah_.

_*Ginny whispers to Hermione that it's also really good for cramps, wink wink._

**Hermione: **Where.

**Ginny: **Luxembourg.

**Hermione: **bye.

**-Hermione Granger **has logged out.

**Harry: **how do you do it?!

**Ginny: **What can I say? I'm a witch. 'Nuff said.

**Harry: **can we get back to our prior affairs?

**Ginny: **wouldn't have it any other way.

**Harry: **what are you wearing right now? ;)

**-Sirius Black **has logged on

**Ginny: **a towel.

**Sirius: **OMG. YOU'RE WEARING A TOWEL, AREN'T YOU?

**Harry: **leave it to Sirius to know exactly what we're doing.

**Ginny: **Harry, no offence, but your godfather's a perv.

**Sirius: **none taken. So you _are_ wearing a towel, aren't you?

**Ginny: **if it makes you feel any better, yes.

**Harry: **what's it to you, anyway? Aren't you married?

**Sirius: **oh no. I'm Sirius from the past. Hi.

**Ginny: **oh, ok. Then it's cool. Yeah, I'm in a towel.

**Sirius: **I'm sure this'll be awkward in about 20 years.

**Harry: **...but...?

**Sirius: ***sigh* you know me too well. But, _that's hot._

**Ginny: **Sirius, don't you have girls to shag?

**Sirius: **oi, good point!

**-Sirius Black **has logged out.

**Harry: **so that's your secret.

**Ginny: **yeah, I saw no need to keep it a secret for Sirius. It's pretty obvious, really.

**Harry: **CAN WE GET IT ON NOW?

**-Albus Dumbledore **has logged on

**Ginny: **you're so impatient. Stop pressuring me.

**Harry: **ugh, you sound like a teen pregnancy ad.

**Albus: **If you really love her, you'll support her in her decision to say no.

**Harry: **excuse me, you're a 150 year old virgin. Nobody asked your opinion.

**Ginny: **_Harry! _That was _rude! _But...LOL.

**Albus: **who said anything about me being a virgin? Harry, just because I was (and still am) in love with someone of my own gender does not make me a virgin.

**Harry: **huh.

**Ginny: **lovely.

**Albus: **perhaps I've said too much?

**Harry: **just a tad.

**Ginny: **perhaps you should leave.

**Albus: **perhaps..

**-Albus Dumbledore **has logged out.

**Ginny: **I swear to god, if one more person logs on, I'm gonna get this done the right way.

**Harry: **you mean, physically?

**Ginny: **no, Harry, mentally. Grindelwald! You're such an idiot.

**Harry:** it's not a turn off, is it?

**Ginny: **more like a turn on, actually. I have enough smartness for the both of us. Be as stupid as you want :D

**-Luna Lovegood **has logged on.

**Harry: **I believe you were saying something earlier..

**Luna: **no, I just logged on. Wrackspurt got you?

**Ginny: **Luna, wasn't it established that your dad's a fraud?

**Luna: **He's the only sane one in this crazy world.

**Harry: **Luna is what shapes our world.

**Ginny:** then we're the only crazy ones in this sane world? Wait, no! UGH. LUNA. YOU ALWAYS DO THIS TO US.

**Luna: **what are you talking about? You mean the mushy brain feeling? It's quite pleasant, isn't it? It's sort of like stepping on jellyfish.

**Harry: **Luna, do you mind?

**Luna: **mind you that you still owe me for giving you some alone time after you defeated He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-Though-It-Shouldn't-Matter-Because-He's-Dead-Which-Is-Weird-To-Me-Because-I-Didn't-Think-He-Had-Enough-Humanity-In-Him-Left-To-Die-But-Whatever.

**Harry: **you still owe me for defeating him in the first place!

**Ginny: **funny. You once went to a Slug Club party together. Imagine you turned out to be a couple?

**Luna: **oo0oh, God _forbid, _Ginny! Harry is too normal for me, you see.

**Harry: **I'm not even gonna dignify that with an answer.

**Ginny: **Harry, let's just do it.

**-Hermione Granger **has logged on

**Harry: **broom cupboard?

**Hermione: **I thought you'd _never _ask.

**Ginny: **not _you,_ you blithering marshmallow. Me!

**Luna: **Oh, I would LOVE a marshmallow.

**Hermione: **if this isn't awkward, then Luna's not loosely based on Albert Einstein.

**Luna: **THANK you, Hermione! I would like to give you a HUGE caramelized strawberry dipped in chocolate sauce, sprinkled with marshmallows and stuffed with pomegranate.

**Ginny: **that's like screaming 8928949834 kilos.

**Hermione: **who cares? I want it. I got rejected by Harry Potter. I deserve a huge tub of ice cream and 83478324979 of those weird things that are so obviously going to result in my looming death.

**Luna: **whimsical! Let's go down to the kitchens.

**-Hermione Granger **has logged out

**Luna: **btw, Harry, you owe me yet again for scoring you alone time

**Harry: **BECAUSE YOU'RE A LONER.

**-Luna Lovegood **has logged out.

**Ginny: **let's just go, Harry.

**Harry: **but now I feel guilty about hurting Luna's feelings!

**Ginny: ***sigh* I'm gonna go hit up Newt Scamander's grandson just for the hell of it. See you later, Harry.

**-Ginny Weasley **has logged out.

**Ghost: **I'm available, if you'd like.

**Harry: **Myrtle would kill me. Besides, I want a weird strawberry thing. PEACE OUTTTT.

**A****N: **oh, IM so BORED. Im uber obsessed with Desperate Housewives and pomgrenades =D *SIGH* leave me a review and if you want to see anything on a chapter, let me know!

Xoxoxoxoxoxoy

;D


	16. Point Taken, Lesson Not Learned

A/N: I take too long to update, don't I? Oh well. I apologize, but I've got the same thing on my mind that every other infatuated teenage girl has =D. Btw, when I first got myPod, I named her after Helena Bonham Carter, only to realize that there was another person on with an iPod named Helena! Coincidence, no? So just to let Cuban Sombrero Gal know that I did _not_ steal her iPod's name, I am henceforth going to christen myPod Penelope. But my phone, Jerry, stays the same. The object of my infatuation named his phone Tom. xD

Disclaimer: I think I'm cool because Penelope has Order of the Phoenix. I swear on my 15 year old life that I memorized every single Godforsaken second of that movie. Argh!

**-Fred Weasley **has logged on.

**James: **HEY! IT'S YOU! I LIKE YOU!

**Fred: **YES! IT'S ME! I LIKE ME TOO!

**Sirius: **yay...Sirius...woo

**Lily: **does every single generation have to have its own share of dunderheads?

**Remus: **_most_ unfortunately, yes.

**James:** sharing is caring, Lilyflower.

**Lily: **Potter, if you ever call me Lilyflower again, I will compress you into a blob of mass no larger than my finger nail, and shove you inside a rose bud.

**Severus: **his ego won't fit.

**James: **oh yeah? Well your hair's so greasy that you'll just slide out. We'd put you in on one side, and you'd just slide back out the other. Never ending.

**Fred: **I feel like a guava. You know who can't have a guava?

**Remus: **who can't have a guava? Everyone should be allowed to have a guava.

**Fred: **Voldemort can't have a guava.

**Severus: **why can't Voldemort have a guava? :O

**Fred: **because he's DEAD.

**James: **I'm sure they have guavas in heaven!

**Sirius:** ...why the hell would Voldemort be in heaven?

**James: **because they say that all dogs go to heaven. :D

**Lily: **Voldemort is not a dog. He's his own species.

**Fred: **Um, excuse me? How did we get from guavas to Voldemort's species?

**-Voldemort **has logged on

**Remus: **you know what I hate? No matter what we talk about, the conversation just floats back to Voldemort.

**Voldemort: **Werewolf, I am _flattered!_ Thank you all for making me the center of your attention.

**Sirius: **I wouldn't get carried away if I were you. You're like this nagging thing at the back of all our minds. It' just like, _voldemortvoldemortvoldemortvoldemortvoldemortvoldemortvoldemort _24/7.

**Voldemort: **has anyone ever wondered what my name means?

**Fred: **I just assumed it was what you made when you mixed up the remaining letters from _Tom Marvolo Riddle_. You used the i, a, and m. So you just got creative ;D

**Sirius: **very reasonable, young fire head.

**Lily: **must you call all red heads _fire head_? It's seriously annoying.

**Sirius: **I'm sorry, Lils, but you're a freaking explosion head. It's just inevitable that someone's gonna call you a fire head, better me than them.

**Fred: **then you will have no objection whatsoever when I formally dub you dogbreath?

**Sirius: **point taken, fire head.

**Lily: **you just said the point was taken!

**Fred: **oh, Mrs P, that`s another guy thing. Just cuz the point was taken, doesn`t mean the lesson was learned.

**Remus: **really? I always complied after the point was taken. And I`m a guy!

**James: **and a very boring guy you are! :)

**Severus: **he`s not boring. He`s the best Gryffindor out there, probably.

**Lily: **and what am I? A Hufflepuff?!

**Severus: **oh, sorry, Lils! I always forget you`re in that forlorn house.

**Voldemort: **is this all you guys do? Just talk about each other`s hair? And houses? You`re so boring.

**James: **and you`re fascinating? All you do is plot my son`s death all day. Boring my ass. At least we have lives.

**Sirius: **and hair! See, Voldemort? You were bound to somehow make a cameo in this topic. Doesn`t that cheer you up?

**Fred: **.Poo, would you like a guava?

**Voldemort: ***GASP* my arch nemesis!

**Fred: **why is your arch nemesis a fruit, might I ask?

**Remus: **because they taste simply marvellous and Voldemort can only have guava juice because he has no teeth.

**Lily: **that`s what you get for eating candy and not brushing your teeth afterward.

**Voldemort: **point taken.

**James: **lesson not learned.

**Severus: **brilliant.

**Fred: **ARGH! You ancients did it _again_! You took the discussion back to Voldemort! Can`t we have at least 5 minutes of Voldie free talk!?

**Voldemort: **this, I gotta see.

**James: **k. 3, 2, 1, go.

**Sirius: **oi, flame head! Who`re you calling ancient?!

**Lily: **we _are_ old to him. You`re not 16 forever, imbecile.

**James: **but isn't there that Muggle lake with the everlasting water?

**Severus: **Tuck Everlasting? You imbecile, that's a _fiction_ novel.

**Remus: **why'd you tell him that? We could have sent him on some 5 year journey in search of said river. It would've been hilarious.

**Fred: **but we're magical! I'm sure we'll find ways to become immortal without drinking water from that lake. Even though it would be fun...

**Voldemort: **I sense a cameo coming on...

**Lily: **caught me in the nick of time, I was just about to mention Horcruxes.

**Voldemort: **AHA! YOU MENTIONED ME!

**Sirius: **it doesn't count.

**James: **imagine we _were_ 16 forever.

**Lily: **it's got its silver lining.

**Sirius: **yeah, no hair loss, kids, gray hair, kids, wrinkles, kids, or sore backs.

**Remus: **wow, imagine how depressed you'd be when you grow up and you get all those things.

**Severus: **oh, as long as he's got his hair, Black's fine.

**James: **that's my Sirius.

**Fred: **men were feminine at your time, weren't they?

**Lily: **some were rather masculine!

**Severus: **or masculine to the extent that they were feminine.

**Sirius: **Everyone's got a feminine side.

**Voldemort: **oh yeah? What's mine?

**James: **good question!

**Remus: **you like boys.

**Voldemort: **WHAT?!? NO I DON'T!

**Remus: **oh, right, that's Dumbledore.

**James: **I GOT IT. You have mood swings.

**Lily: **you know, that could be right, Potter.

**Fred: **ASK HER OUT!

**James: **oh, right! Lily Evans, will you do me the honour of accompanying me on an evening out tonight by the Lake?

**Severus: **TURN HIM DOWN!

**Lily: **hmm. You know, just because I know we'll end up together in the end: yes Potter, I'll go out with you tonight by the Lake.

**James: **OMG. Are you SERIOUS?

**Sirius: **yes I am =D

**Voldemort: **I bet you don't even wanna go out with the Mudblood anymore. You just ask her out out of habit.

**Severus: **ahhhh, irony.

**Lily: **if you don't wanna go out, then that's fine. Sev and I will go out.

**Severus: **REALLY?!

**Lily: **no =)

**James: **WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.

**Fred: **who? Wait, I'm starting to get lost. Let me tame my flames.

**Sirius: **how will that clear your mind?

**Lily: **there are so many ways to answer your question, Black, but I'll leave everyone to their own interpretation.

**James: **so Lily, are we going out or not?

**Lily: **I thought I said yes? I can change my mind, you know.

**James: **NO NO, WE'RE TOTALLY GOING. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

**Remus: **something tells me I won't get any sleep tonight.

**Sirius: **we'll probably be up all night listening to a secondly play-by-play.

**Remus: **'She inhaled, and then her nostrils grew a picometer in diameter as she exhaled. Then, she blinked, and her third eyelash to the left quivered. As she opened her mouth to speak, her rosy lips parted slowly and beautifully in a seductive manner, making me yearn for her.'

**Fred: **erm...are you sure you're not in love with Mrs Potter?

**Voldemort: **imagine Potter narrating a Quidditch match at that rate.

**Sirius: **'And they're off! That hot blonde girl of Hufflepuff who was there the seventeenth time I asked Evans out has the Quaffle, then passes to that fat boy who we all know LOVES her, even though she's with another guy, though they were kissing behind the fourth floor tapestry, and, OH, WAS THAT AN UNFORGIVABLE CURSE SHOT AT THE FAT BOY who dropped the Quaffle as he screams in pain; none of us would know what that's like, probably like having your veins burned one by one as your silenced so you can't scream, and why do I think of such morbid things? Lily, will you go out with me? Don't bother answering, i just thought I'd squeeze that in somewhere....'

**James: **my mind is being revealed to the world! I feel violated.

**Lily: **right. Anyways, apparently, I have a date to prepare for, ttyl.

**James: **when should I pick you up?

**Lily: **are you aware that we live in the same dorm?

**James: **damn, my luck just keeps getting better.

**Lily: **right. Severus, if i need to be saved, I'll signal you.

**Severus: **DONE.

**-Lily Evans **has logged out.

**-James Potter **has logged out.

**Voldemort: **well, I would like to congratulate you.

**Fred: **thanks! For what?

**Voldemort: **you've done it! You've had a 'me-free' conversation for more than 10 minutes! Well done.

**Remus: **this calls for Honeduke's!

**-Remus Lupin **has logged out.

**Voldemort: **i know _mort_ means death, but what does _Volde _mean?

**Fred: **I'm not sticking around to find out. Me gots a life.

**-Fred Weasley **has logged out.

**Sirius: **I can't believe I'm doing this, but, Snivelly, would you care to go spy on them two with me?

**Severus: ***sigh* alright. But no pranks!

**Sirius: **I'll see what I can do about it. No promises, though.

**-Sirius Black **has logged out.

**-Severus Snape **has logged out.

**Voldemort: **Ghost, do you know what _Volde _means?

**Ghost: **....no.

**Vvoldemort: **bah! Useless!

**-Pointless Death **has logged out.

**Ghost: **well, that should answer his question.

A/n: If someone gave me Voldemort's corpse, I'd: stuff it and use it to decorate my room, or donate it to scientific research on 40 new kinds of cancer that will all be anems after Voldmeort because they'll only exist withing him, because he's freaking Voldemort, OR answer all our burning, dirty questions. xD. Alright. I should go now. Read and review!

Charah x.x


	17. The Sad, Sad Story of Draco Malfoy

A/N: HAIIIIIII. I'm struggling with weight loss. I hate being overweight... SOB. Does anyone have any tips on how to lose weight fast? Help me; I'm on a very tight deadline.

Disclaimer: I just realized that I had a good chance as being cast as Luna Lovegood. Wow 

**Harry: **I don't _care_ what the school rules are, or what Filch posts on his door. I WILL buy products from Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, and I WILL bring my purchases to school. So BLEH.

**Hermione: **my, you're quite the rebel.... *rolls eyes*

**Fred: **shut up, Hermione. The world needs more people like Harry.

**Draco: **not enough room for all that ego.

**Harry: **YO, AT LEAST MY MOM WASN'T NAMED AFTER NARCISSUS.

**Draco: **....and mine is?

**Ginny: **are you deaf, blind, or stupid? Or all three? Who doesn't know what their mum's name means?

**Harry: **Gins, what does Molly mean? 

**Hermione: **Harry, you. are. An. Idiot. You're not supposed to do a 180 on Ginny! Geez. For the mortal enemy of the biggest super villain of all time, you sure are stupid.

**Harry: **you're foul, you know that?

**Fred: **yeah, yeah, we all know how evil Hermione is. But there's a point in play. What _does_ molly mean?  
**Draco:**she's _your _mum, why don't you go ask her?

**Ginny: **she'd get suspicious. Why don't you just do a Google search?

**Hermione: **there's an idea. Know how to use Google?

**Draco: **omg, even Edward Cullen knows how to Google something. I bet he's Googled himself. I do it all the time.

**Fred: **that sounds gross. Don't say that. Do yourself a favour =]

**Draco: **say what? That I Google myself?

**Fred: **yeah, that. True as it may be in both interpretations, don't be shouting it from the rooftops.

**-Ron Weasley **has logged on

**Draco: **I GOOGLE MYSELF AND I'M PROUD OF IT

**-Ron Weasley **has logged off

**Ginny: **hey, that was easy! **(A/N: hahaha...reminded me of **_**Staples **_**commercials. The easy button =D) **and I was gonna tell him that nargles mated on his keyboard.

**Harry: **oh my God, that's disgusting. Wait, what do nargles even look like?

**Draco: **do I looke like Loony Lovegood to you?

**Fred: **actually, yeah, you do. Same complexion, same hair, same ears. Except, she's saner than you :D

**Draco: **no she's not! She makes no sense! I don't come up with random make believe animals and publish them in magazines.

**Ginny: **uh, yeah you do.

**Draco: **no I don't!

**Harry: **don't you remember those magazines you used to publish back in year 2? What was it called?

**Hermione: **I think it was called _Frequency_.

**Draco: **WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!

**Fred: **does anyone still have a copy? I'd love to see Goyle's illustrations of Blinkies.

**Draco: **what are blinkies?!

**Harry: **you should know! You're the one who made them into a feature! I can't believe you don't remember!

**Ginny: **you had to get counselled for like..a month. But that never stopped you. 10 magazines! I still remember the 5th edition: Goolwers. Best article I've ever read.

**Fred: **we actually checked under our mattresses and pillows for weeks. In fact, George and I sell Goolwer repellent at the shop. They _really _sell. We have to 'order' them every 2 weeks. It's mental!

**Hermione: **your articles convinced everyone; there were even some alleged Goolwer sightings.

**Draco: **Why don't I remember any of this?!

**Harry: **oh, that's because you were bitten by a radioactive...ant.

**Ginny: **Harry, are you reading those Muggle Spiderman comics again?

**Harry: **guilty =D *sheepish grin*

**Ginny: **you're so _cute _when you're sheepish 3

**Fred: **guys, there are broom closets for that cheesiness that no one wants to see or hear.

**Draco: **nice. Thanks. Can't you see I'm having a midlife crisis?! I can't remember what I did 4 years ago!

**Hermione: **you're going to die at 32?

**Draco: **who am I, death?

**Fred: **MALFOY! I told you to keep that between us! Do you have to expose yourself about everything?! You might as well tell them that you're the real Perez Hilton! Merlin's beard!

**Hermione: **OMG! I LOVE YOUR BLOGS, MALFOY!

**Ginny:** I never thought I'd say this, but can I have your autograph?

**Draco: **would you understand if I told you that I wanted to kill myself?

**Harry: **NOOOOOO! Whose blogs will we read?!

**Draco: **I'm a celebrity and I don't even know it. I think I'm going to go curl up like a child now.

**Fred: **stop singing P. Diddy's songs and stick to your own, Tom Felton.

**Draco: **....stop hurting me. I need to go find myself. Excuse me.

**-Draco Malfoy **has logged off.

**Ginny: **I can't _BELIEVE_ he's that thick.

**Hermione: **he thinks he's famous. What an idiot!

**Harry: **that was some AMAZING improvising there, mate. BRILLIANT! My hat goes off to you.

**Hermione: **what if you weren't wearing a hat?

**Fred: **then his clothes go off to me. DUH. It's called a brain, Hermione. Get one.

**Ginny: **OI! His clothes go off to NO ONE but me.

**Harry: **and vice versa ;D

**Fred: **too much information, guys. Like I said, there are broom closets for that crap.

**Ginny: **FINE! Harry, let's go to the ROR.

**Hermione: **WHY THE ROR? I NEED IT!

**Harry: **clearly we're too rowdy for a measly old broom closets. Also, Dumbledore always seems to find us whenever were broom closet-ing.

**Fred: **oh, creeper. Why don't you just leave before I knock you out for snogging my sister?

**Harry: **Yeah, Gins, let's blow this hamburger stand.

**Hermione: **isn't it popsicle stand?

**Harry: **oops. Well, you get the gist of it.

**Hermione: **I just hope you know that hundreds of people know what you're doing right now.

**Ginny: **at least we're doing it ;D

**-Ginny Weasley **has logged off

**-Harry Potter **has logged off

**Hermione: **THAT WAS MEAN! I have Ron!

**Fred: **I feel bad for you.

**Hermione: **at least I have someone!

**Fred: **honey, I don't need someone. I have everyone :D

**-Fred Weasley **has logged out

**Hermione: **JERK. IMBECILE. MAN WHORE.

**Ghost: **calm down, an show them they're wrong. Get Ron and go to the prefects bathroom.

**Hermione: **that's a good idea. But what about Myrtle? She has an annoying tendency to watch people bathe.

**Ghost: **don't worry bout her. I'll flush her toilet.

**Hermione: **that sounds funny :D

**Ghost: **_just say thank you and leave._

**-Hermione Granger **has logged off

**A/N: **the whole pranking Draco thing was based on the Office. I LOVE Jim and Dwight. Anyways, hope you enjoyed. Leave me a review!


	18. Slumber Party!

A/N: Yeah, I know. I haven't updated in what feels like (and actually is!) months. But I've been _swamped!_ Anyways, I'm going to be exceptionally bored this summer, so look out for a lot more updates. Also, HAPPY HARRY POTTER MONTH! :D

**Follow me on twitter! Search: **CharahxD

**Disclaimer: **The only thing I own is the cake in the oven.

**This chapter's FML: **Today, my friend said he'd give me 20 bucks if I would ask out the ugliest girl in school. I did it. She rejected me. FML

**This chapter's GMH: **My parents fight a lot, but the other day I found them slow dancing in the kitchen. It GMH

o0o

**Ginny: **Hermione, _guess what_!

**Voldemort: **Oh, let me guess. Some silly little boy told you he liked your hair style, or, wait! You broke a nail.

**Hermione: **Just because you don't have any hair... What, Ginny?

**Ginny: **HARRY KISSED ME! *SQUEAL*

**Fleur: **Oh, c'est magnifique! Congratulations, Ginny!

**Hermione: **Finally?! Tell me all about it. Everything!

**Voldemort: **Oh, yes, do tell. This is so0o0o fascinating.

**Ginny: **Go away, boyfriend killer. Anyways, Hermione, you would have seen it if you weren't busy being too jealous of Lavender to even stand being in the same room as her!

**Fleur: **Lavender? Who is this Lavender?

**Voldemort: **From what I've surmised through Potter's big head, she is his comrade Weasley's love interest.

**Hermione: **I am NOT jealous of Lavender.

**Ginny: **are so.

**Hermione: **am not. Besides, she's not Ron's _love interest_. She's his shagging interest. There's a difference.

**Ginny: **mhm.

-**Serra Potter **has logged on.

**Hermione: **I am _not_ jealous of Lavender! I, in fact, wish her and Ronald all the happiness.

**Serra: **my ass.

**Fleur: **oh, you are in love with Ronald, Hermione? What happened to Viktor?

**Voldemort: **Viktor? Who's Viktor?

**Serra: **Ron likes to call him Vikky.

**Voldemort: **oh, that helped.

**Ginny: **Viktor Krum. He's a well known Bulgarian Seeker. Hermione went out with him the year you were... resurrected.

**Voldemort: **really? Well, Mudblood, you sure like your Quidditch players, eh?

**Serra: **How'd you know Ron's a Quidditch player?

**Hermione: **because he most certainly _is_ a keeper.

**Ginny: **AH HA! So you _admit_ you're infatuated with Ron!

**Fleur: **C'est magnifique. But is this Lavender not in the way?

**Voldemort: **I'll dispose of her, if you like.

**Hermione: **Oh, that's very sweet of you, but I'm not one to kill the enemy.

**Serra: **BUT I AM! Right, Voldemort? ;D

­-**Albus Dumbledore **has logged on.

**Ginny: **signs of delusion:

1) You're in love with Ron.

2) You think studying is funner than Quidditch.

3) You think Voldemort is sweet.

**Voldemort: **eh...I have my moments.

**Albus: **You most certainly do!

**Voldemort: **Not another word, Dumbledore.

**Serra: **say it Professor. Say it, say it, say it. I'll get you whizbees.

**Voldemort: **DON'T SAY IT! I'll kill you, I swear I will! You'll go the same way as the Potters, the Prewetts, and that Muggle pop sensation whom I really happened to enjoy. Too bad. :(. BUT DON'T SAY IT.

**Albus: **In his spare time (basically all the time; he really needs a life), Tom takes Polyjuice, and works at Honeydukes. Apparently, he enjoys the happy look on childrens' faces when they have sugar in their systems. **(A/N : ahhhhhhhh, he said )**

**Voldemort: **Screw you, Dumbledore.

**Fleur: **How adorable! Regardent, tout le monde! Everyone has a good side.

**Hermione: **Weird.. got me out of the hotseat, though!

**Serra: **just out of curiosity, who do you disguise as?

**Voldemort: **OBJECTION. Irelevant.

**Albus: **we're not in court, Tom.

**Voldemort: **I know, but when am I going to get a chance to say that? Whatever. It's none of your business.

**Serra: **no, come on, please?

**Voldemort: ***sigh*. I found a young woman with orange hair and freckles in Muggle London. If anyone asks, I tell them I am Virginia Weasley.

**Ginny: **Why does everyone disguise as one of us?

**Hermione: **Geez, well, I don't suppose it's because there's so many of you!

**Albus: **Bee in your bonnet, Miss Granger?

**Serra: **Hermione's got a crush on Ron, sir.

**Voldemort: **but that blonde thing with a colour as a name is standing in her way.

**Ginny: **Lavender's not a thing. She's a tool. There's a difference.

**Fleur: **I do not understand why Hermione does not just confront Ronald about her feelings.

**Ginny: **it's not that easy, Fleur.

**Albus: **well, why not, Miss Weasely? I always find honesty to be the safest way to go. Unless, of course it's about your sexual orientation. Then, lie. Lie so hard you forget what the truth is. But, no, you're all straight. Stick to the truth. Call me outdated..

**Voldemort: **I'll call you expired : )

**Ginny: **Well, Hermione is rather, hostile, you see. She's a huge b!tch, pardon my French.

**Fleur: **Ce ne pas Francais, Ginny!

**Hermione: **I am NOT hostile. I just chances to show off my dangerous magic, that's all.

**Serra: **oh, yeah, God forbid a bunch of hummingbirds come flying after me.

**Voldemort: **that's better than anything my Death Eaters can do.

**Albus: **oh, please. Your Death Eaters are just a group of rich numbskulls and a hungry werewolf. Anything Peeves does is more fatal than their worst attack.

**Ginny: **okay. Are we done talking about Hermione? Because, in case you haven't noticed, I kissed _The Boy Who Lived, The Chosen One_, the Gryffindor Seeker, and Harry Freaking Potter.

**Albus: **oh my, Miss Weasley, calm down. The Male population is not going anywhere.

**Ginny: **they're all one person, Professor -.-'

**Hermione: **I told her that 6 boyfriends ago.

**Voldemort: **Who cares about your stupid raging hormones? Not me!

**Albus: **well, I care. I always thought Harry needed a little love.

**Serra: **yeah, after Cho Chang, any guy would be afraid to get back out in the dating scene. *shudder*

**Fleur: **Cho Chang? You mean that girl that went out with Cedric Diggory? (**A/N: oops, I mean Edward Cullen..)**

**Hermione: **yes, her. No one likes Cho. She's.. depressing.

**Voldemort: **if she brought Potter any sort of discomfort, I like her.

**Albus: **love her, hate her, stay away from my students.

**Serra: **no, by all means, let him have Cho, and all the Slytherins, too. Hogwarts won't miss them :)

**Voldemort: **REALLY? OH, THANKS POTTER! Too bad I'm gonna have to kill you, eh?

**Ginny: **Stop saying eh, okay? It's really annoying.

**Voldemort: **Oh, excuse me, Miss Weasley. I'm just celebrating the birth of one of our colonies, Canada. Unless, of course, you're above that sort of thing?

**Fleur: **Nobody really cares.

**Hermione: **I suppose you wouldn't care if I told you that tomorrow is the birth of basically the world? America?

**Albus: **Yeah, I guess we care. But what do Americans say?

**Serra: **I once saw an American show, and this rather beefy yellow man kept saying _d'oh!_

**Voldemort: **D'oh?

**Ginny: **D'oh?

**Albus: **D'oh!

**Hermione: **D'oh.

**Fleur: ***sigh* ... d'oh...

**Serra: **Alright. I'm out. I'm going to Honeydukes... anyone in?

**Hermione: **I am. God knows I could use some chocolate

**Ginny: **Oh no. I better come too, we should get all the chocolate we could carry if Hermione wants it..

**-Serra Potter **has logged out.

**-Hermione Granger** has logged out.

**-Ginny Weasley **has logged out.

**Voldemort: **come to think of it, it's almost time for my shift. I guess I'll be joining the girls, then.

**-Lord Voldemort **has logged out

**Fleur: **oui, I must go try out another 57898329 hairstyles for my wedding. Au Revoir!

**-Fleur Delacour **has logged out.

**Ghost: **BOO!

**Albus: **no, no, no. Want to hear something _really_ scary?

**Ghost: **..sure.

**Dumbledore: **I'm older than you : )

**Ghost: **JESUS PROTECT ME!

**-Albus Dumbledore **has logged out.

**A/N: **So, once again, happy Canada day, Independance day, and, as a friend of mine just informed me, Somalia day. My deepest condolences to all fans of Ed McMann, Farrah Fawcett, Micheal Jackson, and, of course, Billy Mays. AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH CONAN!

Review ;D


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